not so simple

25 Days of Christmas - Advent Activities

2011-11-22T17:51:00.001-05:00

After some Googling, researching, brainstorming and help from friends, I have compiled our list of advent activities. We hung our advent stockings last weekend and the boys are very excited for next week when we get started on the events. The activities are things the boys will enjoy, but most focus on giving.

In no particular order...

Lighting of the Christmas Tree at thelibrary

Make Christmas Cookies

Go through DVDs. Donate to Kim S.

Take cookies to the Fire Station

Fill a Christmas stocking for Ms. Catherine.Deliver without her knowing it was you.

Make a card and give a gift to the Mailman

Take a plate of cookies to the librarians

Drink hot cocoa and read Christmas storybooks by the tree

Sleep by the Christmas Tree

Deliver Cookies/Treats to Neighbors

Take a donation of dog food & oldtowels/blankets to an animal shelter

Read the Christmas story in Luke 1:26-38,2:1-21.

Make something or send a letter to brightensomeone’s day.

Write a note to daddy a letter describingthe 10 things you love most about him.

Look up Samaritan’s Purse and make adonation.

Hot Cocoa and Christmas lights around town

Share a compliment with everyone you meettoday

Shop for gifts for Toys for Tots

Paint/decorate ornaments for the seniorhome

Take ornaments to the senior home

Make the crayon letter for your teacher

Board games, popcorn & Christmas music

Christmas performance for Payton’s school

Kobylak Wigilia Christmas Eve Dinner

CHRISTMAS DAY!!!

The Season of Giving: Need Your Help!

2011-11-19T19:47:00.001-05:00

Over the past few Christmas seasons, Matt and I have worked hard to remind the boys that the Christmas season is a time to GIVE and focus on FAMILY, LOVE and CHRIST. Not the "getting" and not Santa.

We do this in several ways. We participate in Operation Christmas Child, we donate our outgrown coats and clothes, we adopt a family or child off a Christmas Tree, we make donations to local food banks and we donate toys the boys don't need anymore.

In addition to those activities, we have our 25 days of Christmas advent countdown. In the past these activities have been more fun things - less giving oriented. This year, I want to tie in a few more activities that inspire the giving atmosphere. But I'm stumped! I can't come up with more than 5 or 6 that I have. :/

Can you help? What are some things you do? Or some ideas you have that would be appropriate for a 4 year old and an 8 year old? (I'm not willing to take them to a soup kitchen just yet.) Activities could take as little as 5 minutes and as long as an hour or two. I'm open to just about anything!!

Adjustments All Around

2011-11-19T18:51:00.000-05:00

So much going on in our lives!

Matt has been home for more than 45 days now. We're still adjusting...I think we'll continue to for sometime. I learned to live alone and handle schedules, cleaning, working and cleaning how it worked for me and the boys. Matt learned to be self-sufficient and not have to think about others' schedules and needs. Now, Matt is back to work, so we're having to work around several different schedules. It's taking time, a few disagreements, and lots of compromise, but we're getting there.

Payton is doing SO well at his new school! He's happy most days and has made some great friends. He has learned some new social skills and is fitting in really well. The academics are at his level and he's being challenged in most subjects.

He is also taking karate twice a week. He is doing better than we could have imagined and loves the instructor. His perfectionist nature is allowing him to memorize and master his skills. He's not allowing his gross-motor issues get in the way. He's pushing through and making the best of it, even if it requires him to work hard.

Maxwell has learned to read in the last month too! He's sounding out 3-4 letter words and can read a full "beginning reader" book. He's so happy! Next time you see him, ask him to read a word for you!

We're getting ready for the holidays around here. It's our favorite time of the year and I can't wait for the joy, the celebrations and the time with family.

We pray you are all doing well and hope to see many of you this upcoming season.

Crockpot Salsa Chicken

2011-11-07T21:23:00.001-05:00

I have a few recipes that are my "go to" recipes for when I can't think of what else to make or when we have activities that leave our schedule short of time. One of the family's favorite is Crockpot Salsa Chicken. I don't have exact measurements because it changes depending on what I have in the fridge and pantry. Here is about how it goes down:

Chicken Breasts (boneless, skinless) - 3 breasts feeds the 4 of us plus leaves us enough for a second meal
Salsa, 1/2 a jar
Canned or fresh corn, 1 can or 2-3 ears worth
Black beans, low sodium, rinsed and drained
1/2 a packet of fajita or taco mix

Place the chicken in the crockpot. Sprinkle seasoning package on top. Pour the salsa, corn and blackbeans on top and cover. Cook on high for 4-6 or low for 6-8. Shred the chicken in the crockpot using two forks or tongs. It should shred easily. Allow to soak in the juice for another 20-30 minutes.

Serve over rice. Or use to make burritos. Or use for quesadillas. It's good LOTS of ways!!

Add it to your menu and let me know which way you prefer it!

Home Sweet Homecoming

2011-10-21T23:51:00.002-04:00

Although we planned it, knew it would be emotional and such a wonderful experience, nothing could prepare us for the moment our boys actually saw their father for the first time...in a very surprising way.

The boys had no idea that Matt was coming home. Matt came home and we grabbed the camera to head to get Payton from school. We waited for "THE moment"...waiting for Payton to come out of school. I was anxious and excited for him. Several friends were there with us and were anxious to see Payton's reaction.

Ms. Niemi brought the third graders around the side of the building. There was Payton, the last in line. He saw me, but Matt was hiding behind a pillar and couldn't be seen. I said "I have a surprise for you, Buddy." and Matt stepped out. Wow. What a moment. No one could predict Payton's level of excitement. There was a two second delay and then he loudly repeated "DADDY! DADDY!!! IT'S MY DADDY!!" over and over again as he ran and jumped into Matt's arms. It took a few minutes for the shock to wear off while he stayed close to Matt and held his breath. He took a few moments to introduce Matt to Ms. Niemi and a few other people, and then was back at his side.

We left Payton's school to get Max who was at his daycare/homeschooling teacher's house. Payton was so excited to see Max's reaction, but was also very understanding that he needed to let Max have a few minutes with Daddy just like he got.

When we arrived at Liz's house, Matt hid in the back area of the van. I went up to the porch and Liz had Max come outside. I asked him to wait on the porch and then told him I had a surprise for him. I opened the van door and there was Matt. Maxwell's reaction was instantaneous. He ran straight for Matt and jumped into his arms. Where Payton was yelling and announcing his joy to the world, Maxwell was more reserved and private. He just cuddled up and didn't want to be put down.

That night, we spent lots of time as a family. The boys cuddled and hugged their daddy for a long time. There have been a lot of reunions and loving moments in our family, but this was one of the best. The boys showed such free, unrestrained love for their father. Nothing can compare to that. It's a memory I will have for a long time to come.

Post Deployment Adjustment

2011-10-21T23:21:00.001-04:00

Where has the time gone?! My goodness! Over a month since my last post.

Everyone is doing well here in our little home. Matt came home earlier this month and we've been enjoying having each other around. Learning to readjust...that's another thing. I know people have to adjust after long term deployments, especially to war zones, but I knew that wasn't our situation. I guess I knew things would be different, but didn't expect this different.

I knew Matt and I have changed individually, both in very positive ways. But now we're trying to make those changes work together. I have become more independent and I have a routine that worked for me and the boys. I'm used to only thinking of myself as the decision maker and now I'm having to relearn to consider him and his needs & thoughts on everything. Matt has gotten used to being a bachelor. He doesn't have to consider anyone else's routines and needs. It's not a bad thing when you're living by yourself, it's just that we aren't in that season anymore. We have both learned to be different people that worked well in the situation we've been in the last six months. Now we have to relearn to be a couple and a family.

However, we are doing well on our routines. Matt is helping out a LOT with getting the boys to and from their activities. That has been a huge stress reliever for me. And helping out with making dinner! What a relief.

Overall, we're doing well. The boys are loving having him home and so am I. We're a family again. And that is the best feeling in the world.

Welcoming Fall

2011-09-13T21:06:00.001-04:00

It's that time of year. I love this weather; jeans and sweaters, Ohio State Football, cider mills & doughnuts, picking apples... There is just so much to love.

Fall has also brought change. Maxwell (Thank, our LORD) has not had any serious injuries since his broken nose, which healed up just fine. Payton is attending Warren Woods Christian School. It's the school run by our church. Payton absolutely loves it there and has come home happy every day. His teacher is amazing and is firm, but loving. They are a good match - which is great because she is the only teacher for the small class of 18.

This crisp weather also brings me back to school/work. I am still loving my job and the work I get to do. In my third year now as the librarian, I'm developing what I want the kids to focus on and how to get them interested. It's going to be a good year. My boss is allowing me to work part-time until Matt gets home. That is a huge burden lifted. I'm able to run errands and take care of some needs without two boys in tow.

Matt is still in D.C. He's still loving that as well. I'm not sure where things stand on when he'll be home and how long he'll be home, so I'm keeping that information top secret.

I hope you are able to enjoy this beautiful weather!

Maxwell the Mighty

2011-08-16T20:31:00.002-04:00

Maxwell has quite a history of injuries in his short four year and seven months of life. In January 2010, he cracked his mouth on the coffee table and ended up with stitches in his lip. He knocked out his tooth in March of 2010. Earlier this spring, he broke his collarbone and ended up in the ER twice; once for the collarbone and once for a concussion from the fall. That's on top of all the random bumps, bruises, cuts, scratches that don't warrant ER visits. (Not to mention his other shenanigans!)

But his timing of this weekend's event was...let's call it "special". Sunday was my birthday and as you can see in my earlier post, I wasn't having the best birthday. Maxwell, in his nature, decided to make it special. In his words:

"I was trying to get my balloon from the ceiling when I fell and landed on the coffee table right on the edge. We're going to get rid of that bad coffee table."

He was climbing on the furniture while I was in the kitchen and BAM! smacked his face on the coffee table. Yeah. (That coffee table's gotta go.) From here I'll summarize: bleeding, call Matt, discuss, ER (same ER, same Dr.). Diagnosis: broken nose. Follow up with the ENT on Thursday. Today he's bruised and swollen. But he hasn't complained of pain once. Tough kiddo!

With Max, life is an adventure...usually including a trip to the ER.

It's Just Not the Same

2011-08-14T14:46:00.001-04:00

Birthdays. Usually I look forward to them all month long. Small celebrations with all my family and friends. But this year...it just feels different. Maybe it's my age. Maybe it's the fact that Matt is gone. Maybe it's the weather. (I don't remember it ever being rainy and dreary on my actual birthday.)

I had a very nice dinner with my inlaws and my parents on Friday night. My mother in law, God bless her, went out with the boys and got me flowers and let the boys decorate their house with streamers and balloons. At dinner, the boys were excited for the party hats they had brought to the restaurant. My parents brought my favorite cake, a Dairy Queen Ice Cream Cake, for me to enjoy as well. The waiter was incredibly nice and even took a picture with me with a birthday hat on.

I have a lunch and a dinner planned with a friend or two over the next few days, too. Those are always enjoyable. And so many people have extended me kind words and birthday greets today on Facebook.

I am sorry I'm "down". It's not like me. I guess I'm just missing "normal"...whatever that was.

Jealousy...why didn't I see it then?

2011-07-31T00:03:00.000-04:00

Since very early, Maxwell has been a momma's boy. He's very adventurous and outgoing, but if someone else has my attention, he can get a bit jealous.

I was just looking back at some older pictures for a project I'm working on and found this. The idea was to be a shoot of Matt and I...but Maxwell snuck into the background. I'm not sure if he's jealous he's not in the picture with me or that I was cuddling with Matt.

It cracks me up.

Tattoo: What does it mean?

2011-07-26T22:38:00.003-04:00

Proverbs 31:28

Her children stand and bless her.
Her husband praises her:

To some it might seem like I'm claiming that this is what my children and husband do; bless me and praise me. And while I don't feel I have to explain myself and my new tattoo to anyone, I want to share the meaning behind it. Here it goes; my confession.

I know this might be difficult to believe, but I haven't always been the (rarely) perfect wife and mother that I am today. Just five years ago, my life was much more centered around me and my needs and wants for life. I wasn't as patient with Payton as I could have been and I wasn't as accepting of Matt as I needed to be (among other things).

During a bible study a few years ago, I was reading this passage and God clearly told me that I needed to work to be A Wife of Noble Character by today's standards. (I obviously don't need to make sure my "hands are busy spinning thread" (Proverbs 31:19) but I can make sure my time is well spent. ) I needed to change. I needed to focus on what God had called a wife and mother to be. I began making changes in my life; some were much harder than others. But over time God changed my heart and showed me how I could be what he was calling me to be.

The tattoo does not make me a Wife of Noble Character. It is not my claim that I am a Wife of Noble Character. Only God, lots of hard work by me and support from people who love me can do that. My tattoo is not a boast of what I have become, but a reminder of what God, my children and my husband need me to be. I need reminders in my life...lots of reminders.

A Wife of Noble Character (Proverbs 31)

¹⁰ ^[b]Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
      She is more precious than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband can trust her,
      and she will greatly enrich his life.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
      all the days of her life. ¹³ She finds wool and flax
      and busily spins it.
¹⁴ She is like a merchant’s ship,
      bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household
      and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.
¹⁶ She goes to inspect a field and buys it;
      with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She is energetic and strong,
      a hard worker.
¹⁸ She makes sure her dealings are profitable;
      her lamp burns late into the night.
¹⁹ Her hands are busy spinning thread,
      her fingers twisting fiber.
²⁰ She extends a helping hand to the poor
      and opens her arms to the needy.
²¹ She has no fear of winter for her household,
      for everyone has warm^[c] clothes.
²² She makes her own bedspreads.
      She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.
²³ Her husband is well known at the city gates,
      where he sits with the other civic leaders.
²⁴ She makes belted linen garments
      and sashes to sell to the merchants.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity,
      and she laughs without fear of the future.
²⁶ When she speaks, her words are wise,
      and she gives instructions with kindness.
²⁷ She carefully watches everything in her household
      and suffers nothing from laziness.
²⁸ Her children stand and bless her.
      Her husband praises her:
²⁹ “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,
      but you surpass them all!”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
      but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
³¹ Reward her for all she has done.
      Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

Washington DC: Weeks Two, Three and Beyond

2011-07-26T22:08:00.000-04:00

Sorry I didn't get to write to you all about the rest of our time in DC. We were having such a great time, I forgot!

The last two and half weeks were filled with lots of family, friends, fun and PICTURES! Be sure to check our picasa album to see what we did. The boys each had their own favorite memories and experiences.

Saying good-bye to Matt was hard, but knowing I'm going back in October to celebrate our ten year anniversary made it easier.

Thank you for ALL the love, support and prayers during our time together. It was amazing!

Washington D.C.: Week One

2011-07-01T21:21:00.000-04:00

Wow. First, let me start by saying the emotions that we experienced seeing each other again was like nothing I've felt before. It'd been 92 days since we'd seen him last and that moment of first touch was like no other. I climbed out of the van (after I let the boys have their moments) I hugged Matt and cried. I knew I was excited, but I cried. It just felt SO GOOD to be in his arms again. And wow! What arms they are! He's been working out!! ;)

Our first night was spent just getting settled in and reacquainted. Sunday, we took the boys on their first ride on the Metro and went to see Chinatown and Cars 2. Since then, we've been busy almost every day. (I was down with a flu/cold type thing and a high fever for about 12 hours.) We've been to a lot of great museums, great sites and had a lot of great experiences. I would love to recap each and every moment, but I just don't have the time to type it all out. I have uploaded a lot of images on Facebook, and I also posted them in our Picasa Album.

Although I was worried at first, I am falling in love with D.C. It's very easy to navigate the city. I love all the walking, the closeness of things and the ability to get to everything via the Metro. Matt's apartment is only about a 5 minute walk to a metro stop and we've used it most everyday. The boys are doing really well with everything too. Payton has his own Metro card and he knows how to work it to get himself through the gates. Max is free, but loves to use my card to get us through. I would love living here...at least for a few years.

For the holiday weekend, we'll be spliting our time between Baltimore and D.C. Tomorrow, we'll be joining my brother and sister-in-law at the Baltimore Aquarium, then heading back to D.C. for Sunday and Monday. We hope to make it to the fireworks on the National Mall, but we'll see how that pans out.

That's all for now. Thanks for all the positive thoughts, encouragement and love. We're having a GREAT time together enjoying our temporary home. See you "next time".

Summer

2011-06-20T23:08:00.000-04:00

Summer has arrived.
School's out.
Maxwell is healing very well and you'd never know he was broken.
Payton is excited for summer and really excited for his new school next year.
Matt is loving D.C. and doing an excellent job there.
I am anxiously awaiting our departure to join him for three weeks!!! Oh, and I got a new camera. <3

Friday can NOT come fast enough.
I will update from D.C. as I can.

Way to Go, You!

2011-05-23T19:18:00.000-04:00

I guess I've spent too much time at school looking to reward good behavior. I've noticed lately that when I'm out in public and see someone do something that would be outside of our normal behavior, I want to reward them with something. At school we use tokens. I'm not sure what would be appropriate to give to the guy who picked up trash that wasn't his. Or the 10 year old who stood up to his friend who was being mean to another kid.

Maybe Dairy Queen should pass out "Good Citizenship" tokens for residents to give to other residents. Or McDonald's. SOMEONE! Until then, I guess, "Way to Go, You!" will have to do.

Maxwell. Yep. Again

2011-05-22T14:58:00.000-04:00

I swear...this child! He is giving me grey hairs already.

Last weekend, my inlaws had the boys for the weekend and went to "Cottage Cleanup", a Kobylak Family event where everyone gathers to prep the family cottage for the summer activities. While there, the boys went for a ride on the golf cart with their cousin, Spencer. Somehow, while the cart was stopped, Maxwell slipped and fell off onto his right side. Apparently he didn't cry much and in fact fell asleep quickly.

My inlaws called me after a bit and told me they were taking Max to the ER. He had woken from his little nap and was having trouble moving his arm. It wasn't long before I was on the road too...dreading what I would find when I arrived at the ER in Ohio.

After some xrays, the doctors determined he had a broken clavicle on his right side. Other than that and a few bumps and scrapes, he seemed fine. We went back to my inlaws for the night where he rested and we iced this newest wound. He even slept fairly well that night. Sunday was pretty low key around here as I made accommodations and plans for Maxwell for the week. Monday we went to the specialist who determined this was a "boyhood injury" and didn't warrant any further action. Yep. I was shocked. And so are most people, including other doctors, who see the xray.

Tuesday was weird though. Maxwell seemed to be "off". He'd fall asleep at a moments notice. He had a headache most of the day. He even vomited once. I took him to the pediatrician and she said it was the flu. But by Thursday, it didn't seem to be the flu. It was more than that. I ended up taking him to another ER on Thursday evening and the specialist there determined that he probably had a concussion or a very very minor brain bleed from the fall. Whether he hit his head or just rattled his brain during the fall, we'll never know.

He had some weird changes in behavior for a few days there, but today, Sunday, he seems to be pretty much back to "normal" Maxwell behaviors. I'm still keeping a close eye on him, but he escapes me more often than not. He is lifting his arm above his head now and I have to remind him that it still hurts sometimes. He carries it in a sling position when it's really bothering him, but he never says anything or even slows down.

I can only *imagine* what the next 14 years have in store for me with this little man as my son.

Crayola Color Bubbles

2011-05-11T20:00:00.000-04:00

I love Crayola products...normally. As any mom with a child under the age of five knows, their Color Wonder line is AMAZING! Nothing to stain my carpets or my carseats yet they get the color they want. It's amazing.

But this time, Crayola needs to rethink their product. The boys got some of the Crayola Color Bubbles from a well meaning friend or relative for their birthday back in March. I'm sure they thought the same thing I did when I saw them on the shelf; "Those look cool!" I mean who wouldn't want colored bubbles, right?

But after reading several reviews online about people having stains are their carpet, clothes and children, I decided to play it safe and toss the bubbles. I knew we had two bottles...but I could only find one. That is until this afternoon. Maxwell found it in his room (thankfully sealed still) and brought it out to me. Of course, he wanted to play with them.

I made sure I wasn't overly concerned about the clothes he was wearing, made him promise to stay outside with them and then sent him on his way. Within 30 seconds he was calling me outside. When he removed the wand from the "spill resistant" thingy that covers the bottle opening, it flung the bubble solution all over his face and into his eye. Yep. Awesome. Way to go Crayola.

We did a quick rinse and he was fine and wanted to continue playing. I sat outside with him and within a minute my feet were speckled with green bubble splatter. I stole the bubble wand away and started blowing them myself thinking maybe it was just his technique. Nope. It wasn't. Those things are MESSY! Max likes to play "clap the bubble" too...so that didn't help.

In the end, we got about five minutes of play in before I was sick of seeing green dye all over. All over my son, his clothes, my hands, the flowers the bubble landed in...even Max's hair! My sidewalk looks like I smashed a bunch of tiny Kermits! I tossed the bubbles with promises of buying "normal" bubbles soon.

I will say that the dye did come off our hands easily with just some soap and water. I just hope that the clothes...and sidewalk...and aluminum siding fair as well.

sigh

2011-05-03T20:08:00.000-04:00

October seems so far away.

I want to cuddle Matt.

I want to sleep next to a (larger than the dog) warm body.

I want to talk to him face-to-face...not through a phone.

I want to feel his hands.

I want to kiss his lips.

I miss him so much.

Payton Selfless Act

2011-04-16T21:07:00.001-04:00

Payton is just an amazing little man. He's so caring and thoughtful. He has his quirks (that drive me crazy), but he's so loving and giving to those around him (except Max of course).

Last week, someone in his class did something that deserved a consequence. However, the teacher didn't know who did it. He asked for whoever did the action to step up before the end of the school day. Five minutes before the end of the day his teacher again asked who did the action. No one fessed up.

That is when my little man did what he felt God would want him to do. He went to the teacher privately and said "Since no one will say they did it, I will accept the consequence." As he was telling me the story in the car from the backseat, I was glad he couldn't see my face. I was tearing up. My little man was willing to take the consequence for a classmate...without even knowing what the consequence would be. His teacher was awestruck and removed the consequence. He told Payton that someone owes him a BIG thank you.

I've been reflecting on this for a week now. What would I have done? I think as adults, we get burned by other's actions too many times that we often hope someone else will take the blame or even look for someone else to take our blame. Am I selfless enough to do what my seven-year-old did? I hope so.

When I asked Payton why he did what he did he said "God just told me to. Pastor Amy taught us to give to others around us and God told me I needed to do that."

There is so much wisdom in that little man.

Two Weeks In

2011-04-09T20:33:00.002-04:00

Two weeks in and it feels like forever.

The boys are more emotional now than at the start, but I've learned (and they've learned) how to comfort them to make it through. Max likes to look at his "Daddy Book" that we put together for each boy with pictures of them with Matt. Payton needs a moment. Usually his emotions get the best of him and he needs a break to recompose. He's learning to identify that he's missing Daddy or if something else is bothering him. They are both using their "Daddy Bears" a lot too. And they are both sleeping better, but still not "normally".

As for me, I'm doing ok. I have moments where I forget he's not here. I think things like "I wonder what he'd want for dinner?" or "Matt will really like that!" or "Maybe Matt can take care of that tomorrow." I've had my share of crying moments and a lot of the time I still feel overwhelmed. I didn't realize how much he helps! It's true that old saying, "You don't know what you have until it's gone." I'm feeling that a lot. I need to remind myself often that I can do this. And I need friends to help. That's what they're there for, right?

I'm sure Matt's lonely too. But he's settling in really well to his new place. It's an amazing apartment! And he's enjoying his freedom to do things on his time. At first I was jealous. Now I'm just realizing that it's part of the commitment; he might as well make the most of it, right?

But that's not going to stop me from wanting time on my own when he gets home. I wonder if my company would send me somewhere for awhile...maybe Cancun?

My Secret

2011-04-04T12:57:00.005-04:00

When I was maybe 8-10 years old, my oldest brother, Loren, got me a BIG teddy bear. Because I loved my brother so much, I loved that bear very much. At first, he just sat on my bed. Then during my years of heartache and teenage drama, he snuggled with me. Later, I used him as a pillow, resting my head on his belly each night.

When I went to college, I took him with me. He was a comfort of home that I didn't know I needed. Eventually, he moved into my first home with Matt. It was there that he lost his nose and eye in a tragic wrestling match with my German Shepard, Midway. She was a good dog, but she had a thing for stuffed animals.

As I became older, my need for this bear kind of waxed and waned like the phases of the moon. When I became a mother, he found a spot on a shelf and stayed there for several years. I didn't think of him much for quite sometime.

When Payton was about five years old, he asked me what my bear's name was. It hit me then that I'd never named this good friend of mine. He'd been such a comfort to me, yet I'd never thought to name him. I thought momentarily and told Payton, "His name is Secret. He keeps my secrets."

When we moved into the home where we live now, there just wasn't room for Secret. His home became the floor next to my bed. He was quickly forgotten. Until last week...

(I've mentioned before I'm an emotional cleaner. When feeling emotional or stressed, I clean. A lot.) So last week, I was throwing out stuff along side my bed and saw Secret next to my gym bag (also gone unused for too long). I tossed him up on my bed thinking I'd figure out where he'd go later. When it was time for bed, there Secret was. Positioned on my pillow as if waiting for me to need him again. And with Matt gone, I did.

Secret has slept with me and listened to me cry through many times in my life. Now, he has a purpose again. But at almost 32 years old, I appreciate him much more. I see his value and the love and wear he's gone through. He's very, very special to me. And I'm so grateful to my brother for giving him to me. He had no idea what that bear would mean to me, even 20-odd years later.

Hamster Races

2011-04-04T11:07:00.001-04:00

The last weekend Matt was here I ran into the pet store to grab some chewies for our beloved pug, Ringo. As I walked in there was a table set up advertising the Hamster Derby. I knew we'd need something to keep us busy that first weekend Matt was gone. This would be perfect! I purchased the track and headed out to the van. The boys were less thrilled than I expected, but soon excitement built. We trained all week...ok, a few days and soon it was race day.

When the races started, Lucky was one of ten hamsters racing. Payton was realistically optimistic though. Watching the 'warm ups' he realized we probably wouldn't take first because of a little speedball dwarf hamster. But we had a shot at the top three. There were three heats that would advance five hamsters. Then two heats to determine the finals. Lucky was a pro and won her first heat and the semi-finals without any trouble. But soon, I think she was bored and tired. We were unable to take a place higher than third, but Payton was really happy with that result. He claimed the third place prize was better than the other prizes anyway.

We are planning on attending the races again in October and hope to take a higher placing. But either way, we had a great time!

What's Adult Conversation?

2011-04-02T21:12:00.000-04:00

I've had this need to cry all day. I've just blamed it on the new life and challenges we're dealing with. But then in a conversation with my mom and another with a friend, I finally pin-pointed it. It's loneliness that makes me want to cry.

Other than work, where we mostly talk about...well, work, I feel like I haven't had a real adult conversation in a week. I have a ton of people who care about me and lovingly ask me how we're doing. That's awesome. I'm so very grateful for that support and compassion. But it's not a conversation. They're usually two or three passing sentences en route to the next job on my list or theirs.

I want to talk about...something. I don't even know what. Not the kids. Not how they're adjusting. Not the lack of sleep I'm getting or the stress and exhaustion I'm feeling. That's so real that I don't want to talk about it. (Ok, except with my mom who has to listen to everything I tell her because she's my mother). I guess when I finally have that adult conversation I'll have to think of something to say.

So there, you have it; ramblings of a lonely woman is who desperate for a conversation - preferably a trivial one so I don't have to think too hard.

4 days and counting

2011-03-31T19:29:00.000-04:00

I've survived day #4. But I wasn't sure I would. It's been a long four days.

The boys aren't sleeping well. Lots of nightmares and waking up crying. I know my body doesn't react well to stress, so I can only what their little immature minds are going through at this time. Not having the words or understanding to explain what you're really feeling, even with Payton at 8 yrs old, has to be difficult. There have been a lot of tears and fits that last few days. Often, we deal with the issue at hand, and then when I say "What's going on with you today?" I get, "I really miss Daddy!" as the reply.

I know it's hard for them, and having this week be so busy and be our first week without Matt hasn't helped. I hope tomorrow night can be a movie and cuddle night on the couch. Saturday, we'll have a nice brunch and then head to the hamster derby at the local pet store. I hope to keep them busy most of the day Saturday and then Sunday have another "chill at home" day.

We're doing ok, really. It's hard, but we'll be ok. We have a lot of amazing support and have been blessed with friends who care and love us in so many ways. Only 90ish days until we get to see him in DC!

Good-byes Suck

2011-03-28T00:13:00.002-04:00

That is all.

Daddy-Bears

2011-03-28T00:11:00.000-04:00

From the moment of the news of Matt's deployment, I knew that we'd have to do Daddy-Bears. I needed a way for the kids to do an activity with their daddy that would be a comfort to them when he was gone. These bears would be (hopefully) the comfort they needed.

Friday, after recovering from Great Wolf Lodge, we headed out. When we arrived, the boys each picked out their bear; Payton picked a "rockstar bear" that can plug into any audio device and Maxwell picked the softest bear he could find (he's all about the softness of things). Matt took them over to the stuffing station. The young lady, after being informed why we were there, had special plans in store. Matt recorded sound for each boy and placed it in their feet or hands (whichever the boy chose).

She then had each boy stuff their bear. They then each chose a heart and Matt took two. She said something like this:

Hold them to your head so you know Daddy's always with you.

Hold them to your ear so you can remember Daddy's voice.
Hold it to your cheek so you can remember Daddy's kiss.

Spin around so the love doesn't get lost.

Now give Daddy a hug.

I'm sure there was more and I'm sure the words were different, but I was too busy staying composed and trying to take pictures. They then placed the hearts into their bears while Matt placed one into each boy's bear. From then on, it was standard Build-A-Bear routine; the bath, the clothes, the registration and the box. The boys LOVE their bears and they haven't gone anywhere without them yet. I hope they will bring them great comfort through the next difficult weeks and months.

I almost wish I'd had him make me a bear. :/

Great Wolf Lodge AKA Family Time!

2011-03-26T00:57:00.000-04:00

Another one of our famous "surprise trips"! The boys were excited when we pulled in and it wasn't long until we checked in. The boys were thrilled with their "own room". It had a bunk bed set on one side and another "daybed" on the other side. They had their own TV and desk and were very happy with their own space.

It didn't take long and we changed into our swimsuits and headed down to the waterpark. At first, the boys were tentative. Maxwell wouldn't even let go of one of us in the water and Payton wouldn't do anything without his lifejacket on.

But by day two, both boys were much more independent. Payton went down every slide available all by himself. He was SUPER brave even when he wasn't sure he wanted to do something. Maxwell finally realized he could touch and swim without holding onto us and ventured out on his own. He did great! (That boy needs swimming lessons!)

Every night, Great Wolf Lodge in Sandusky, OH has a musical performance at the clock tower and then a character comes to read a story. It was really cute and the boys loved it! Compared to Castaway Bay, where we went last month, Great Wolf Lodge is bigger, has more to offer and is nicer, while the price is comparable. Next time: Kalahari!

Ringo

2011-03-22T19:43:00.000-04:00

Today was the day. Ringo got "snipped". Matt was the one who dropped him off early this morning, and I didn't think much about him all day, but when I went to pick him up this evening I felt really sorry for him. The poor little pug-let was having trouble walking, and was obviously uncomfortable.

He's been moping around the house the last few hours and seems to be doing better. I feel sorry for the little booger.

Birthday Party Success

2011-03-22T19:40:00.000-04:00

I always worry about the boys birthday parties. And they always turn out just fine. Always. So why do I worry? Someone remind me of this post next January when I'm stressing again.

Having the boys birthdays together was great. We may do that again in fact. So many of our family and friends came and we were (as always) truly blessed to share the celebration with such amazing people.

Maxwell loved helping with his cake. Matt and I got to spend quality time with most of siblings. Even the weather cooperated enough for outside playtime in the backyard!

Birthday Party Prep

2011-03-15T15:55:00.000-04:00

These two monkeys are so VERY excited about their birthday party. We ususally have two seperate birthdays for the boys, but this year with payton's birthday falling on Easter Sunday we decided to do one party between the boys' actual birthdays.

They (thankfully) agreed on a Toy Story theme. I have the cake idea in my head. And I've picked out the color scheme. And the menu has been planned. That's it. I am lacking the creativity and pizzazz that most of their birthday parties seem to have. Almost 40 people coming to celebrate the births of the two most wonderful beings in my life and I can't seem to get in the mood. :/

I hope it comes to me soon. Really soon. Like before Saturday at 3pm would be nice!

Payton's Letter to Daddy

2011-03-08T21:31:00.000-05:00

I just got home from my first meeting with my new support group; Heroes on the Homefront. It was nice to sit and talk with people who have been there and get it. I have a lot of great friends in cyber-land who have offered me a lot of support, but being in the same room with other ladies was really nice.

When I got home, I was doing the "mom thing" and packing lunches and snacks, organizing shoes, and going through paperwork in Payton's backpack. As I was sorting papers, I came across this. I love my kiddo. His grown up word choices, his lack of spelling corrections, the way he wrote a message for Max because Max can't do it himself. He's such an amazing little man.

Emotional

2011-03-06T12:19:00.001-05:00

In the last 24 hours I have had a TON of emotions. I started the afternoon doing the picture frames with the boys for Matt and it all went crazy from there out. Sad, confused, worried, lonely...at one point I was even excited about the adventures we might have in our travels to Maryland this summer. I ended up with a pretty bad headache around 4am. I love when I do that to myself.

I feel like I should wear a sign so people know my emotions are out of whack. I hope they stabilize sometime. Hopefully soon. Probably not tonight. Army Wives is on.

Picture Frames for Daddy

2011-03-05T20:10:00.002-05:00

I got two items off my checklist today! The Blue Star Banner (see previous post) was ordered and I convinced the boys to decorate picture frames for Matt. We went to Michael's craft store and purchased plain black frames and I let each of them choose a few favorite decorative "thingies".

When we got time this evening, I plugged in my glue gun and we went to work. The boys each set up their picture frame as they wanted it and I would glue things on. It's interesting to watch them work independently. I didn't make any decisions for them and Maxwell spelled all his words right! I was pretty impressed!

Sometime in the next week, I'll put together a collage of photos for each picture frame for Matt to take with him. I hope it will be a nice reminder of home. And every few months I send him a new collage so that he can update the pictures.

Blue Star Banner Ordered

2011-03-05T16:30:00.001-05:00

Another item has been checked off my list. I wanted one of those "blue star banners" that I see in people's windows, serving as a proud reminder of someone in the home who is serving in the military.

I didn't think it'd be a big deal; just hop online and order the thing. But there was something emotional about doing it. It made me proud and sad at the same time. I'm so proud of Matt giving of himself for six months to help injured soldiers. He's proud of his assignment and I know he'll do amazingly well at it. But the pride was accompanied by sadness. Just another step closer to his leave date...

Preparing the Boys for Deployment

2011-03-03T19:26:00.001-05:00

It's becoming real now. We have dates. We have ideas. We have shopping to do. We have plans to make. It's so very real...and I'm sure it will only become "more real" (if that's possible) as we get closer and then finally pass the deployment day.

To help ease the pain and hurt of being without Daddy, we have a few things planned for the boys. I'm working on creating a book of memories and photos of each boy with Matt. When they are missing their daddy, we'll get our their "Daddy Books" and they'll have pictures and memories to remember him. This weekend, I will be decorating picture frames with each boy. Then I'll make a collage photo for each of them to give in the frame to Matt before he leaves.

Before Matt leaves, we're also going to go to Build-A-Bear to create a "Daddy Bear". Matt will help each boy stuff them and then he'll record a saying to put inside. Each night when the boys go to sleep, they will be able to hug their bear and say "Good Night" to their father.

The last thing we're doing before Matt leaves is spending time, just the four of us, at a waterpark. Had we known Matt was deploying, we wouldn't have gone a few weeks ago to Castaway Bay. This time we're going to Great Wolf Lodge. We got a special room (at a great military rate) so the two days/night should be very special for them.

While their gone, I have a few things planned to help mark each "one-more-month-down day". The 28th of each month, we'll be sending Matt a package. It will be filled with his magazines and mail that comes, cards and notes from me and the boys, his favorite snacks or treats, and photos. Then we'll go do something special to mark that day; a special dinner out or a trip to the bowling alley or Chuck E' Cheese. I can already see the awkwardness as the hostess asks "Are we celebrating anything special today?" and Payton replies "YES! My Daddy's been gone 3 months!" Hmm...I may have to talk to him about that.

I've been blessed enough with so much support and a few great ideas on how to ease this transition for them. Now if anyone has any ideas for on how to make it easier on me, just let me know...

In Non-deployment News: No Media Mondays

2011-02-28T20:00:00.000-05:00

I have noticed with my kids that when they have free time, the first things they want to do are technology based toys: TV, DSi, Computer, Wii, etc. I was sick of it, because when I asked them to turn it off, it would take them 30 minutes to finally come up with something else to do and before long they would be asking to watch TV again.

So last week I announced No Media Mondays! No computer. No hand held games. No Wii. No TV. It's a beautiful thing. (Although now I'm wondering why I choose to start this just before Matt leaves, but oh well.) Today was our first day. Payton begged for media from the time we left school until the time I told him that if he couldn't handle not asking anymore I would remove all media for tomorrow too. That worked.

When we got home from school, the boys each found a project to start. Payton found some fun activities to do in his bible and Maxwell tagged along and found something similar to do. I cooked dinner in peace with only the radio on. It was a beautiful thing.

I look forward to more No Media Mondays! That is until school lets out in June...

All Day Long

2011-02-28T17:26:00.000-05:00

All day long, I've been on the edge of crying. That's ok when I'm home alone and can actually cry, but not so good at work...especially around students. During my lunch, I actually contemplated crawling under my desk to cry. But then a co-worker showed up and I thought I'd look silly talking to her from under my desk. It's coming...I can feel it. And it's gonna be a good one when the dam finally breaks!!

Told the Boys

2011-02-27T21:15:00.000-05:00

After several close calls with friends yesterday and today, Matt and I decided to tell the boys about the deployment this evening. We really wanted to avoid them hearing about it through a conversation between adults. We wanted them to hear it from us. In kid friendly terms.

We sat them down on the couch and this is how it went:

Matt: You know how I'm in the military and that means I have to do what they military tells me. I have to go away for awhile. I'll be leaving in a few weeks and I'll be gone for a long time. It won't be easy on anyone, but we know you can handle this and we'll all be ok.

Payton (with a shaky voice and tears in his eyes): I'll miss you a lot. How long will you be gone??

Matt: About 6 months.

Ellisa: He'll be gone the rest of this school year, all summer and into the next school year...almost until Halloween. But we're going to go out there and see him in Washington, D.C.

Payton (with a shaky voice and tears in his eyes): That's long time!

Maxwell (who's been sitting quietly on my lap this whole time): YAY!!

That's about the extent of it. From there out, P had a few questions. He wanted to know how this would effect his daily life. He also realized that he has a friend who's been through her daddy's deployment and connected that. And was excited when he realized that where Matt will be is where the president lives and is the nations capital.

Max, on the other hand, will not get this is really happening until Matt is packing to leave, goes away and doesn't come back.

The Planning Starts

2011-02-26T22:01:00.000-05:00

It's starting to sink in that he's going. It's been 72 hours that we've known now and I'm starting to be able to make plans.

We've figured out the basics of the finances and we're talking about taking a trip out there in July. I have a list of "honey-dos" for him before he leaves (I refuse to have the Christmas lights on the house all summer!) and I've started a list of what we need to purchase for him.

Friends are pouring out their love and support. So many friends have offered to watch the boys when needed. I hope I get to take advantage of it all! I got a great message from a friend who's been through this; all the things to do and expect. It was exactly what I needed...and brought me to tears. In a good way - kind of. It's hard knowing what's to come, but was so great to know she's been there and took the time to share it with me. Another friend and I are working out a weekly appointment where she'll come here so that I can go grocery shopping. Yes, I could take the boys, and I will for quick trips, but I really, really dislike shopping with two kids in tow if I can avoid it. Besides, this momma needs alone time!

One of Matt's co-workers offered her husband for his husbandly services: house maintenance. (Geez! Get your mind out of the gutter!) It's nice to know that I can call on him if something breaks or needs done. This girl's pretty handy, but I can't do everything! Now...if I could just find a neighborhood boy to mow my lawn a few days a week...Hmmmmm....

My inlaws came up to visit today. We didn't talk much about the topic because the boys were always around, but we were able to speak in code a few times and got a few things worked out. They'll be taking the boys the weekend tied to the first Friday of every month so that I can keep my girls' night! It's so badly needed - even when my husband is home!

My mom has offered her loving services, too. I hope she'll be able to come up one of the first few weeks Matt is gone. And then once a month for a few days until school lets out... ugh. This is going to be so long.

I haven't let my emotions get the best of me yet. I think it will happen soon though...I can feel them welling inside me. Between the boys' birthday party in a few weeks and planning all this deployment stuff, it won't take long, I'm sure.

The Time Has Final Come: Deployment

2011-02-25T19:10:00.003-05:00

First, let me start by saying I know, and fully recognize, how blessed Matt and I have been regarding deployments in the past. In fact, in the 10 years he's been in the military, he's had none to really speak of. I can't imagine the women who's husbands are gone for a full year to a combat zone...

But, this is still a change and difficult for us. On Wednesday, Matt was told he will be leaving April 1st to go to Andrews AFB in Maryland for 180 days. Six months. That's a long time. We hope to make a trip out there this summer, but it will have to wait until school is out.

We knew this was coming and we even agreed to it. But now it's here and it's happening and it's overwhelming me. Thirty-five days and then he'll be gone. We have a LOT to do in that 35 days; shopping, preparing, planning, and spending time together.

The boys don't know. Please don't be the one to tell them. We will be telling them mid March, a few days before their birthday party. Payton doesn't deal with stress well, so this will be hard for him. He'll be extra emotional and probably a little extra needy. Maxwell will need lots of cuddles and hugs. It will be extra hard for him because he's going to require full-day care five days a week. That will be a BIG adjustment for him.

A lot of changes will be happening in the next month. Please pray for Matt, for the boys and for me. Thank you in advance for all the love and support I know you'll give me and my family.

THE Surprise!!

2011-02-21T19:06:00.000-05:00

It's hard to keep a secret when I'm so very excited about...even if I'm the one planning it!!

Matt and I had this great plan laid out for 2 of the 5 days we were on break from school. We would wake up the boys Thursday morning and just load up the car and go. But, of course, with kids, nothing ever goes as planned. Sure enough, Wednesday night, they both have fevers of 102 degrees. Of course!!

We talked it out, made a plan and went to bed. If they were better, we'd go. If they were sick, we'd stay. If one of them was better and the other wasn't, we'd go. We woke up Thursday morning; Payton was fine. Max was less than fine. Load 'em up!!

We dropped the dog at Matt's parents house (they love Ringo) and continued on our journey. Payton thought he'd had it all figured out, but Max was the closest when he asked if we were going to the pool. We let them guess along the way, but we never answer 'yes' or 'no'.

We finally arrived at our location at 3:00pm. Castaway Bay, Sandusky, Ohio Their reactions? Payton: YES! Thanks, Mom & Dad!!! Maxwell: I don't wanna go in the water or down the slides!! (insert tears here. Yeah, he was still sick.)

We met up with my parents who'd planned to join us and found our rooms. We headed down to the waterpark area, enjoyed the slides and the play areas. Matt and I had a good time, my mom enjoyed herself in the hot tub and Payton was loving the slides. (Max only wanted to use the hot tub. And my dad didn't leave his scooter, but took pictures.) We had a decent dinner in the waterpark and just hung out for awhile. Later in the evening, we went to hear a story from Snoopy and that was super cute.

The boys slept well and the next morning we did it all over again with Matt's parents added in. We all had a great time and the boys thoroughly exhausted themselves. We heard "Thanks for bringing us here." often, which was a great bonus. We'll probably go back again sometime, but I think Kalahari is our next waterpark adventure.

P.S. Payton was fine and never got sick again. Maxwell is still sick 6 days later, but was able to enjoy the waterpark for a few hours of the 2 days.

The Best Android App EVER!!!

2011-02-21T18:10:00.001-05:00

A few days ago, I was browsing the Android Market on my LGAlly looking for an application that would give me some unique "live wallpapers". (That means an image on the main screen of my phone that changes throughout the day at set intervals.)

I came across this app and thought it looked cool. I'd love to travel more, but with my income and two kids, it'll be years before we get to go anywhere really impressive. The app, World Tour, takes pictures from various google cameras throughout the world. Every hour the image on my screen changes to one of about 75-100 locations.

Yesterday, we saw Times Square, the Vatican, Palm Springs, California, and a few other places. Today I saw the Eiffel Tower, Ground Zero, St. Peter Cathedral, San Diego, Seattle, and a few other places. Some of them are ordinary, like the giraffe exhibit at a zoo. Others are very cool, like a view of Earth divided into day and night.

The time stamp is on every image and so is location of each image. I've enjoyed my recent tour of the world; and so have the boys!

Surprise in the works...

2011-02-14T19:50:00.000-05:00

Matt and I often do these "mystery trips" or as Max says, "We're goin' on a 'prise trip!" Sometimes they are short; just up to the Dairy Queen for ice cream. Other times they are bigger deals; Toledo Zoo or to visit family.

This Thursday, we'll surprise them again with a bigger trip. We've been planning it for awhile, and I hope I can keep it a secret a few more days! I can't wait!!! I know they will be so VERY excited! Now...if I can pack their bags without them knowing...

Longest. Day. Ever.

2011-02-08T21:12:00.000-05:00

**WARNING: This post may contain whining!**

Early this morning, the day was already slated to be a busy and chaotic one. I knew I had a big event for the Scholastic Book Fair going on after school and I wanted to make it perfect. Plus, I've been sick for the last 4-5 days. I'm just feeling worn down.

But at 7:45am, the school's fire alarm went off. So we had to evacuate the building. It was 12 degrees outside. Some of our students didn't have coats on because they were eating breakfast. Without gloves, my fingers were REALLY REALLY cold. I held students in my coat with me hoping to keep them as warm as possible. In the end, we were able to get them into an administration building run by the city school district which is just across the street. But we stood outside for at least 20 minutes! BRRRRR...it was freezing!!

The school day wasn't anything out of the ordinary, except setting up for the event. But wow, was the set up after school a lot of work! I had a great crew who was willing to help, thankfully. But even when the event ended at 7:30pm, I had a lot of work just putting the finishing closing details together...with both my boys in tow.

It's now 9:00pm. The boys are finally asleep. I am sipping a mug of tea and hoping that the pain relievers kick in soon.

My back hurts.
My feet hurt.
And I think I'm still slightly frozen.

Snow, snow and more snow...

2011-02-05T20:09:00.003-05:00

I think I'm done with Michigan. I would rather live somewhere where they get one big dump of snow, it lasts a few days or weeks even, and then it's gone. This year, it just keeps snowing...and snowing...and snowing. I don't remember the last time I saw the grass.

To at least make the most of the snow we have, Matt and I took the boys sledding today. I know Payton has been sledding before, but to the best of my recollection, Maxwell never has been. If he has, I don't have pictures of it anyway.

So off we went. We all bundled up...two shirts, pants, two pair of socks, snow pants, boots, coats, hats, hoods, and gloves. Getting dressed took just as long as sledding! But it was worth it. The boys had a great time. Matt and I kept them busy for over an hour. And they are tired enough they'll sleep well tonight!

Snow Day!

2011-02-02T17:09:00.000-05:00

We did a little of this

Then a little of this

And a lot of this

Even Ringo got in on the action

It was a good day...and it's not over.

Cabin Fever

2011-01-30T19:11:00.000-05:00

Brrr it's been cold outside. I guess what's what Winter in Michigan is all about. Cold. And snow. Both of which I've had enough of. Unfortunately for me, it's not over. We're supposed to get at least a few inches of the white fluff on Tuesday night, possibly as much as a foot!

Soooo, that usually means snow day. I'm planning my snow day now. Is that bad? I'm thinking cookie baking in the AM. Make some of the yummy energy balls that the boys like around lunch time. Some muffins in the afternoon...all while a crockpot cooks our dinner during the day.

Yeah. It just might be a great week!

Little Man Turns 4

2011-01-24T20:12:00.001-05:00

Today, Maxwell turned four. And since it's my last baby, it was a bit hard for me. I'm not ready for him to get big.

We celebrated over the weekend with my inlaws. We took the boys to see Tangled (for the second time), went to eat at Moose Traxx, and then came home for cake and presents. The boys will be celebrating in March with a joint birthday party, so we just kept this weekend low key.

Maxwell, you have grown into such a wonderful little man. Your laughter brings everyone around you joy. You share so many insightful, funny quips and I love when you tell stories with your serious attitude. You give the greatest hugs and are a wonderful cuddler. Your love and joy for the world is contagious, even if it means more work for your parents sometimes. Today, you read a few words in "Where the Wild Things Are". You loved that the book is "ABOUT ME!!!". We read it twice just for you.

I love you so very much. Thank you for blessing me to be your mother.

What is it...

2011-01-13T19:42:00.000-05:00

Ever have something that seems to be weighing on you? It's pushing down on you. You feel smooshed. You feel closed off. You find yourself withdrawing. You want to spend time on the couch just you and a warm blanket and 10 chick-flicks. But you really can't figure out why you feel this way?

That's me.

This is what exhaustion feels like...

2011-01-07T21:19:00.001-05:00

The first week back to "real life". It's just Friday...5 days of work...yet it feels like Christmas and all that family time was months ago.

I'm hired as the library/technology aide at my school. I love my job. Not just love your job like some people. I LOVE LOVE LOVE sharing books with the kids. I love hearing their opinions and thoughts on books. I love to see them excited about something they read. We have 600 plus amazing little kiddos who I get to see on a weekly basis. I'm blessed.

But sometimes things happen that I can't work my "normally scheduled" job. This week, as one of those weeks. I spent one day subbing for first grade, another for fifth grade and yet another day spending a few hours in art. I have been used more this year as a sub than last year and I'm starting to really get the hang of it. I actually really enjoyed the fifth graders I worked with this week. Art was fun too! I think it helps that they know I know the rules and ways of Reach Academy and don't push me as hard as they may a visiting sub.

It was a pretty good week really, but I'm so tired! I can't believe how tired I am really. I just want to sleep for 14 hours...again. Yeah, I did that one night this week already. I'd forgotten how tiring the waking early, working all day, care for the kids, drive the drive, homework, dinner, bed routine is. Real life isn't as much fun as winter break.

Oh, Child!!! (A Maxwellian)

2011-01-05T23:24:00.001-05:00

Tonight, at dinner, I was attempting to get Maxwell to eat a few more bites in a hurry so we could leave for church.

I picked up my phone and looked at the time and said, "Hurry up. We need to leave in 7 more minutes!"

Maxwell then picked up his (very real looking) phone and looked at the time and said "According to my phone we have two more hours!"

2011...the year of....

2011-01-01T14:52:00.000-05:00

Well, it's here. Two thousand eleven. That sounds weird. I'm not sure I like the look of it either. It looks unbalanced with the wide numbers on the front and the two sticks on the back. Yeah...I analyze things like this.

I don't really make a "resolution". I learned in my 20's that they never stick anyway. I try to set goals for myself throughout the year depending on what needs attention at that time. In 2010, most of our family goals were dealing with getting healthy. I made more healthy meals for my family. Matt lost about 40 pounds and I lost about 20 pounds. Mostly by eating better (notice I didn't say "right") and running. Both of which I need to focus on again as they've been lost recently. I also started healthier (and cuter) meals for Payton to take to lunch. He eats more variety now than ever before.

December 2009

October 2010

Beyond my running and eating well this year, I also hope to use my camera more. I love the time I get to use it to some nicer pictures. And I always feel more peaceful after I do it.

Finally, I vow to be a better mom to my boys. I have learned that Payton needs time to process instructions...usually about 3-5 seconds. I am trying to give him that time. He's also becoming more "sassy". It's an issue I hope to curb this year. Maxwell is...a different breed of boy than Payton. I'm working hard at learning more about what motivates him and how to pull the best out of him. I realize as I type this that it sounds like I don't know my children, but that's not true. It's that I sometimes forget they aren't little versions of me. I need to spend more time focused on what works for them as individuals.

2011 will be an interesting year. I feel God is preparing me for some big changes. I don't know what they are, but I hope I'm ready for the challenge when it comes.

2010, What A Year!!

2011-01-01T14:19:00.000-05:00

If have to find a common theme in 2010, unfortunately it would be ER trips/hospital stays. We started January 2010 with a ER visit for Payton falling out of his bed and Maxwell busting his lip on the coffee table. And then I ended the year with a (too long) stay in the hospital. And we sadly said goodbye to a few great men this year; Matt's grandfather, Matt's Great Uncle Tony and my cousin by marriage, Roger Burns.

But there were a lot of great things that happened this year, too. We had a great summer vacation. The boys each had a fabulous birthday (Payton's & Maxwell's). Matt and I enjoyed some time just the two of us, on several occasions. We saw a lot of family during our trips and I even got a new sister-in-law for Thanksgiving.

It was definitely an eventful and interesting year, but the blessings were many. We had some difficult times, but nothing we weren't stronger because of in the end. I look forward to what 2011 holds for us.

"What Christmas is Really About..."

2010-12-31T00:40:00.000-05:00

All Christmas season, Matt and I spend a lot of time reminding Payton & Maxwell what Christmas is really about. We keep Christmas small (at least here at home), we don't play up Santa, we have the boys purchase gifts for Operation Christmas Child each year, we talk often about the events surrounding the birth of baby Jesus, and we talk about how much fun giving is. We do acts of giving through our advent stockings and we give to neighbors in secret - to remind them that it's better to give than receive. We talk about how this is the only time we see some of family members and that is more important than any gift you may get.

But as a parent, sometimes I wonder if any of it's getting through. Especially when Payton asked "Why didn't you get me any new games to go with my new DSi?" I thought Matt was going to lose it. We, again, discussed the giving, not the receiving and being happy with what you have.

It's hard to know if the life lessons you're teaching are impacting them in anyway. Especially during the time I was reviewing gift receiving manners with Maxwell on Christmas Eve. I asked him "What do you say when someone gives you a present?" His answer was the correct one; "Thank you very much!" But when I asked him "What do you do when someone gives you a gift you don't like?" His reply was "You give it back!!!" OY! Out of the mouth of babes!!!

But there was a moment this Christmas that showed me what we are teaching our boys, even if they need reminders occasionally (or often) does seep into their little brains somehow. On Christmas Day, while eating dinner with my parents, Payton was asked to pray. He said our recited prayer of "Dear Jesus, thank You for our food, and our family, and our friends..." This is where we end most nights. But in this moment, Payton paused. And he tagged on the end, "...and help us to remember what Christmas is really about; the birth of baby Jesus and being with family."

Those are the moments you know all the lessons you teach are getting through...one small bit at a time.

Christmas Photos

2010-12-28T19:18:00.001-05:00

Surviving Christmas

2010-12-28T18:35:00.000-05:00

Wow. What a wonderful and yet oh so exhausting trip for our Christmas travels this year.

We began with a few days at my in laws. My both of my brother in laws were able to be there this year and my brand-spankin-new sister in law was able to celebrate her first Kobylak Christmas with us! And...everyone brought their four legged children, as well as our two boys. It was a full house! We had a great time and I loved the moments we shared with that family.

Christmas Eve, as always, is a traditional Polish Wigilia dinner. There were 38 of us this year, with two missing; Matt & Marie. This is the only time everyone gets to be together and it's one of my favorite days of the year. So awesome!

Christmas Day was travel and then the 26th was with my family. It was pretty low key this year, which I really appreciated. We did our beg, borrow & steal stockings again this year and I think that's our favorite part. :)

I'm now working on getting my house back in order from the time I was in the hospital and the days we were gone for the holiday. I have five more days until life returns to "normal" and I'm just looking to save up my energy so that I can be ready to go back to work.

Christmas

2010-12-21T23:21:00.001-05:00

Well, it's that time. Being in the hospital for 8 days, it's happened upon me rather fast. Luckily before the hospital stay, I had already purchased the majority of my gifts.

Our Christmas schedule is pretty straight forward this year. Tomorrow, we celebrate our own little Christmas here at home. In the afternoon, we'll travel to my in-laws for a few days to of Kobylak Family Christmas. I really enjoy the Polish traditions we share on Christmas Eve there.

After a few days with the Kobylak Family, we'll head to Cleveland to spend time with my family. We always celebrate with them on the 26th, so it's a busy week for us.

This is my favorite holiday and time of the year. I look forward to making many more memories this year. I just hope the dog behaves!

Grateful - So VERY Grateful

2010-12-19T16:00:00.000-05:00

So many people have reached out to me the last 10 days. I am deeply touched and reminded of the friends and family who love and care for me.

My mom, made a huge sacrifice to come stay with us for eight days. She is a "last minute shopper" so she gave up a lot of her holiday shopping time to stay with my boys. She's in her 60's, so caring for two young boys and my house - not to mention our dog who has it out for her - has been a lot of work for her. I am so blessed to have a mother who gives without asking and cares with all she has to give. Thank you, Mom. I love you SO MUCH.

My wonderful boys, who at only 7 and (almost) 4, made little snowflakes to hang on my windows in my hospital room. They prayed for me and asked about me often. They were concerned and yet strong. They are quite the little men and I'm so proud of them for how well they behaved while I wasn't around.

I have a lot of friends who visited in the hospital, donated a meal to my family, sent a card, said a prayer, brought me little treats or even sent a kind email or note on Facebook. Some of these are friends I haven't known very long or known very well. Thank you, all, for your love, concern and attention.

The hospital staff was so kind. They spent time not only caring for me, but chatting with me to cheer me up. They made sure I was comfortable and tried to do what they could to make me happy. To the staff of St. John 5-West, Thank YOU!

And my husband; Thank you. Thank you for picking up the slack. Thank you for your MANY visits to my room. Thank you for your love, your concern and your understanding. I love you so much. It's how we deal with the rough times like this that remind me how deep our love is.

God has blessed me with so many wonderful people in my life. People who give of themselves at a time of year when people could be so focused on what they need to get done for their own families. Thank you, God, for the people you have put in my life.

Home, Sweet Home

2010-12-19T15:47:00.000-05:00

My final procedure for my hospital stay was completed around 3:00pm yesterday afternoon. The doctors found some irritated lining in my stomach, but really can't attribute my lack of eating to that. So I'm on several different medications to help my stomach & intestines calm down and all me to continue to eating soft foods. In a few days, I will start testing out some less soft foods and see how things go. I also have a some medications to help me deal with the continued pain. I guess that's the most frustrating part. I'm a girl who likes clear answers. And I left the hospital with a very general diagnosis and no real answer to my problems. But they are significantly less than last weekend when I arrived at the hospital. So I am grateful for that.

I was granted permission to leave the hospital at 4:00pm yesterday. It was the best news I'd received in a long time. My boys were at church with my mom when Matt dropped me off at home. I took a shower and folded some laundry. When they got home, they were so happy to see me. I heard "I missed you" all night long. We put in Finding Nemo to watch as a family and I'm sorry to say I slept through the whole thing.

Today, we've just been hanging out here at home. I didn't get up until 1pm. Thank goodness for my mom!! She'll be leaving tomorrow, but Matt is off work. I'm hopeful that by the time the holiday events get started on Wednesday I have a LOT more energy and the pain is even less. I really look forward to celebrating my favorite holiday with family and friends. ♥

time, time, nothing but time

2010-12-18T09:49:00.000-05:00

9:43am
Eight days. That's a LONG time. A really really long time. And when you consider that nurses, doctors, procedures and medication really only take about 2 hours of each day, that leaves me with a lot of free time. I spent a good amount of time napping. I never gets naps in my normal life, so that was kind of nice. the rest of the time was spent

1) finding modern knitting patterns online
2) playing Boogle Online at pogo.com
3) updating this blog
4) posting/checking on facebook and farmville
5) praying and listening for God
6) watching TV shows I'd missed this week
7) watching movies on Netflix.com
8) reading

I highly recommend a laptop if you know you are going to be in the hospital for any length of time. I also recommend a subscription or at least a free trial with netflix.com. I can't imagine what I would have done with all that time without my laptop.

my plan was foiled again

2010-12-17T19:14:00.000-05:00

7:05pm
At 5:00pm, my GI doctor came to visit, fully intending, I believe, to send me home. However, it wasn't long into our conversation that I realized he'd changed his mind. All I had to do was tell him that I still couldn't eat. So now, another procedure scheduled for tomorrow. He did promise that as long as the finding weren't CRAZY he'd send me home after I proved I could eat some soft foods.

I've come to accept we may never know what caused me to be in this state. The constant pain and discomfort may take a long time to go away, but it has lessened. And I can't eat "real" food, but at least I can eat soft, bland foods. This isn't the end of this health saga for me. Whatever is found tomorrow, I will have to continue with out patient care. But I can go home. I can sleep next to my husband. I can cuddle with my boys. And God willing, I can celebrate Christmas with our families.

still here

2010-12-17T14:35:00.000-05:00

2:33pm
No morning post from me. I'm sure some of you were hoping that meant I was on my way home. Alas, I'm still here. I got a new roommate, Nellie, last night. Nellie is 89 years old and has a list of health problems longer than I am tall. It was a...difficult...night for both of us. She is awaiting discharge right now.

I saw a few specialist this morning. My general surgeon came by to again assure me I don't have appendicitis even though a lot of the symptoms point to it. My GI student doctor came by to see if I was still in pain. Indeed I am. And my doctor's Physician Assistant came by to see if I was eating anything. I am not.

*sigh* The updates feel repetitive at this point. There's nothing new to report. They still don't know anything, I'm still in the hospital and there is still no set time for me to go home.

OH! I did have a great visitor last night. Liz came by to spend time with me. We always have a lot of laughs and last night was no exception. And today, a representative from Reach's Teacher Appreciation Committee stopped by to bring me a beautiful bouquet. So very sweet of them to think of me. And some fuzzy socks! I love fuzzy socks.

Ok, so I was able to end on a positive note. Thank goodness for that!!

pity party for 1; right this way

2010-12-16T19:32:00.000-05:00

7:24pm
Tonight is Payton's holiday performance at school. I'm sad that I'm still in the hospital and not able to be there. My mom is there with Maxwell and one of my co-workers, Jennifer Sesi, is recording it, but it's not the same as seeing it live myself. Now I've missed the boys' only Christmas performances this year; church's on Sunday and school's tonight.

I know that there are many more years of concerts to come. And I know I've been lucky enough to see them all up to this point, but I'm still sad. Sad that I didn't get to see anything. Sad that I've been out of the boys lives physically for 7 days and out of their lives due to the pain for at least 10 days.

I miss my kiddos. And I miss interacting with them. And I miss my life. All for stupid pain that won't go away anyway!

it's finally happened

2010-12-16T12:41:00.000-05:00

12:37pm
It took a lot longer than I thought it would, but it's finally happened. I'm bored. Officially bored. My roommate, Denise, got sent home yesterday. Matt just left to head home. He has to work today. My mom is with Max. They went to an indoor playpark today at the Roseville Rec Center. He always has fun there. That leaves no one for me to talk to and no one to focus on. That's bad for someone who's social and in pain. I focus on my pain.

-----Break for Doctor Visit-----
Here I was hoping I'd be sent home today. Hoping that we'd have an answer and pain would be managed well, but after my doctor visit, I'm not sure that will be today. My "stomach doctor", or gastrointestinalist, stopped in to look me over again. He's concerned about the movement of the pain. It has changed locations and that is concerning to him. He's order (more) tests for today...

But back to the topic at hand. I'm still bored.

it's been too long

2010-12-15T20:19:00.000-05:00

7:48pm
It's been hard for me being here in the hospital. I don't like to sit still. I need to have something to do and yet, with all the drugs, my brain won't focus well. I haven't been able to read or anything, just doing little piddly things to stay busy.

As hard as it has been on me, I know it's hard on my family as well. We're incredibly lucky that my mom is retired and was able to come up last minute and take care of the boys and the house while I'm here and Matt's at work. She's been a huge comfort and blessing for us all. But Matt is tired. He's been emotionally riding high to try and protect me and deal with my extreme lows the last week. He's done great, but I think he needs 12 hours to just sleep to be human again.

As adults, we understand that this is short term in the scheme of things. We know that eventually I'll be back home and back to work and life will return to our version of normal. But that's hard for the boys to see. Maxwell is a little young still. He'll be four in January, so a lot of this is going over his head. He isn't too concerned, he just has moments where he misses me. He seeks out a cuddle or hug from my mom or Matt and then seem to be ok for awhile. The boys made me paper snowflakes the other day that I hung on my window here at the hospital. Max can show his love in little ways like this and be satisfied.

Payton is somewhere between the innocence of a child and the maturity of an adult. Payton realizes that I've been gone for a long time. That compounded with the fact that "G-maw" (my mom) showed up unexpectedly is enough to get Payton's curiosity peeked. He's been really lovey to the teachers at school they've told me. And my mom said he's been asking for cuddle time. The other night he mentioned that now he knows how two of his friends felt when their mom died. :( He knows I'm not gone forever, but when you're 7 years old, a week can feel like forever!

There is rumor that I may get to go home tomorrow. I'm not sure I'm physically ready to do so, but I know emotionally I am! I need to see my kiddos!!! It has been TOO LONG!

P.S. The hospital visitation policy is no children 12 & younger. I probably could get them in for a just a short time, but with it being flu season and so close to Christmas, I'm not willing to chance it.

whoa

2010-12-15T07:42:00.003-05:00

7:25am
The last 12 hours have been very...um...interesting. It feels like a flashback to my college days. Days I had hoped I would never repeat.

Because of my test results, my doctor had prescribed me a tiny little blue pill. I'd tell you it's name but that, along with lots of other details, have escaped my brain. I was asked to take this tiny blue pill before my meals. So 5:15pm, the nurse brings the pill. No issue, I take the pill and place my dinner order: veggie stir fry, extra white rice and a fruit plate.

As I'm waiting for my dinner to arrive, my hands and feet start to tingle - as if they've fallen asleep. Very weird. I try to ignore it, and change positions in bed thinking maybe that has something to do with it. No change. I received a few texts on my phone and facebook from people asking for updates and expressing concern. As I start to type, I notice my body is not ok. It's not doing to the things my brain is telling it to. At one point, while trying to respond to an email, I woke up to my roomie calling my name. I had fallen asleep, folded in half, with my face and hands on the keyboard.

I called the nurse and told her what had been going on and she felt it was a nervous/anxiety issue. i told her I wasn't nervous about anything, but she thinks the little blue pill was causing it. She suggests Adivan. My food arrives and things aren't looking any better. I can't focus on ANYTHING. I'm hearing conversations that aren't happening. I'm seeing things that aren't there. I imagine myself in places that I'm obviously not...scary stuff!! I agree to the Adivan, because how could it be any worse than what I was going through?

The last thing I remember is laying in bed, loading up the movie Unbreakable (in my top 10 of all time), and getting cozy. I didn't even make it through the full 1st scene. I remember my ears waking a few times and I could hear the movie, but my eyes wouldn't open to watch the movie.

This morning when I got up and started my day, my nurse came in to see me. She said I had a few people stop in to see me, but I wasn't able to be woken up. She also said that I would say funny things if they asked me questions or something if I was just slightly interrupted when they were getting my blood pressure or something. They tried several time to wake me to see if I needed pain relief or a trip to the restroom, but my body was already in 'off' mode.

As of now, I still feel very strongly drugged. I feel like my brain is not connected to my body. I lost my balance twice while walking to the restroom. And my hands aren't doing what they're asked either. The number of typos in this post was unreal. All the red & green corrections made my post look like a Christmas tree. I'm hoping that this all wears off quickly; all though I still don't know what the plan is for today. Hopefully there is someone to walk me through it all. Cause I might get lost following the directions of someone who doesn't exist.

tests working, I'm not

2010-12-14T17:27:00.001-05:00

5:11pm
Today has been a day of tests. I had a few tests done today that helped to rule out several issues they thought I might be having. The tests revealed a few issues that may or may not be the cause of what I'm experiencing. Tomorrow I'll be having a few more tests done.

In the meantime, I'm really starting to feel anxious. I'm getting restless and wishing I had a purpose. I feel useless and like a burden. It's pretty frustrating and a test of my patience and self-control. I'm thankful for the friends who have stopped by to keep my brain busy though. It definitely helps the time pass quicker!

As for going home...still no discussion of it. Possibly tomorrow...or Thursday....or maybe Friday?

Denise, my big sister

2010-12-14T07:44:00.001-05:00

7:41am
In one of my earlier posts this week, I mentioned my roommate, Denise. When I was first placed in my room, Denise was asleeep, snoring loudly with her TV on full blast. After I'd been here a few hours, she woke up and sounded awful; still under the influence of her meds, coughing, gagging. Yuck. I'm sure you can imagine my thought regarding our stay together.

But over the last few days, we've been forced into a friendship. Yesterday, during my meltdown. Denise was such a comfort to me. She reminded me of all the great things I have going on in my life. She reminded me of what I could be going through medically - her situation - which is significantly worse than mine. And she reminded me that I am a strong person and I could handle all of this.

After I recovered from my emotional breakdown, I told Denise how much it meant to me that she offered me all that support. She said she was happy to be there for me. She called herself my big sister. And in the situation were in, she acts like it. God gave me who I needed before I knew I needed her.

what a man

2010-12-13T23:25:00.000-05:00

11:24pm
Through the last week, there have been a lot of unknown variables. What was/is wrong? What's causing it? How long will it last? How serious is it? What can we do about it?

My personality demands answers to all questions as quickly and clearly as possible. Matt's personality does not. He keeps quiet and mostly just takes what's given to him. This week as I've been asking 100s of questions, my husband has been sitting by, listening to the questions and just patiently waiting for things to happen.

Today in a brief exchange Matt said "Don't worry me like that again!" It took me a second to realize he was talking about me. And then I had to process what I'd done to make him worry. OH! He was worried about my health. Looking back at the last few days I can see now how he was protecting me and guarding me, in his calm and quiet way; making sure to keep me as safe and secure as he could.

What an amazing man I married.

amazing what tears can do

2010-12-13T17:01:00.000-05:00

4:23pm
This morning, I was expecting to wake to a list of tests that needed run and doctors who would be trying to assist me in figuring all this pain out. Instead I sat and was told that no one knew the plan. I asked my awesome nurse, Jessica, a few times and she didn't hear anything to pass on.

By 1pm, I was done. I needed answers. My pain wasn't getting better and no one was trying to help. I was frustrated. With my pain soaring, I started crying. Silently crying in my bed with sheets over my head. I felt like I was 15 years old.

About 10 minutes into my crying jag, the tech assigned to me came in. She asked why I was crying and I couldn't even tell her. Then my nurse came in. Then my roommate got involved. Peer pressure got the best of me and when I calmed myself down enough to use my "big girls words", I told them I was frustrated and I felt like no one cared about what was happening and how to make it stop.

After being reassured and given some strong drugs for the pain, the surgeon I'd been waiting ALL DAY for showed up. Jessica the nurse had taken change and hunted him down. THANKS JESSICA!! When he saw me in tears, upset by the pain and uncertainty of the situation, I could tell he felt bad for leaving me without a plan for so long. (Matt was able to stop in at this time and my mom showed up too.)

He asked me questions for about 15 minutes and then laid out his plan: consults with a few specialists, run a few more tests and figure this out. So tomorrow, it all begins. Hopefully I'll have answers and a plan by tomorrow evening or Wednesday morning.

Those of you who know me, know that I don't tend to blow up. Things build and build in my brain and in my spirit before I let things out. I don't like to ask for help either. So this situation has been really hard for me. But the tears, in this case, got things moving towards an answer. I still don't know what is going to happen or what's going on in my body, but at least people are working together to get to an answer.

things I've learned

2010-12-12T22:54:00.001-05:00

10:53pm
Things I've learned thus far during my stay in the hospital:

1. "I'll be right back" means at least 30 minutes.
2. The yellow gripper socks they give out make me happy because they have a big smiley face on them.
3. My support network is way bigger than I thought. I've heard from so many friends and family that I haven't been in close contact with in awhile.
4. Dilaudid (a narcotic) gives me really weird dreams. I have been so hungry because I couldn't eat so every time I fell asleep, I would dream about food; food dancing, food singing, me eating food, other people eating food...
5. Having a laptop is crucial to a having the best hospital stay possible.
6. My friends are so supportive and loving. A lot of friends, and even some very new friends, have gone out of their way to help with the kids or in other ways. I'm so grateful.
7. "The doctor will be right with you." means you might as well take a nap- and dream about food.

some things never change

2010-12-12T05:35:00.000-05:00

5:30am
My nurse just came in to give me my next dose of pain meds...45 minutes late.
The pain had already taken hold and when she came in I had my head buried under the sheets crying.
She apologized profusely for being late and explained she was wrapped up with something else.
She gave me the meds in my IV and asked if there was anything else she could get me.
Through my tears, all I could say was, "I want my mom."

The Pain

2010-12-11T11:31:00.001-05:00

I haven't really explained what's been going on to everyone, just bits and pieces here and there I guess. So here it is.

About a week ago, I was having abdominal pain and just assumed it was nothing serious. It would be sharp for just a moment and then go away. Maybe 3-4 times a day, but nothing I couldn't just deal with and work through.

Last Sunday, the 5th, I felt a lot more pain, but again, assume it was related to just being a girl & PMS. I woke up on Monday morning to get ready for school and I instantly vomited all over my bed. Awesome. I changed the sheets and called off work, got the boys where they needed to be and spent the day in bed. I assumed I had a flu that was going around our school.

Tuesday, the pain was getting worse, but the vomiting was gone. I went to see my doctor and she sent me for an ultrasound. I left the ultrasound without any answers and came home. Wednesday morning, the pain was even worse. I called my doctor and she scheduled a CT scan for that afternoon.

After the scan, I was asked to wait for the results. While I was waiting, the radiologist and my physician were discussing my fate. They felt I might have appendicitis. I was whisked to the ER and blood was drawn and IVs were hooked up and tests were run.

After a physical exam from the ER doc, he felt it was an issue with my ovary, gave me lots of pain meds and sent me home. I was to take Thursday & Friday off of work, but he felt I should be back to normal soon. He had no real explanation for the pain.

Thursday, I followed up with my doctor. She feels that the pain is not typical and is concerned. She thinks it is probably still linked to my appendix and that it will need to be removed "soon" - whenever that might be.

So in the mean time, I'm loaded up on drugs and waiting to see what happens. The pain is still very intense when I don't get my meds taken. It's uncomfortable even with the meds in my system.

I'm very scared and worried. This is like nothing I've ever gone through before and I don't like health issues this serious when I'm only 31 years old. Part of me wants answers and part of me just wants it to go away. I am asking you to pray for me; that I might find a peace in all of this craziness and trust the doctors and God's plan.

Thank you to all who called, stopped by, offered support and love, or took care of my kids in the last week. Matt and I both really appreciate everything.

***UPDATE*** posted 12/11/10 9:00pm
Shortly after writing this post, Matt and I decided I've been in intense pain for too long for this to be "ok". We were supposed to spend the evening with my (wonderful) co-workers for our Christmas party, but instead, we ended up at the hospital.

As I type this, I sit in the ER awaiting a bed upstairs. I am being admitted to further investigate what is happening in my body. Please continue to pray for me and my health. Also, please pray for Matt and his patience with me as I'm very needy right now. And please pray for the boys that they can be flexible during this time until we figure all this out.

Thank you.

support & understanding

2010-12-08T21:57:00.001-05:00

I have been out of work all week for some intense pain. It started over the weekend in my lower left abdomen and I couldn't shake it. I don't normally take pills or medications, so I knew it was bad when I was standing at the sink contemplating how many Motrin I could take and still function.

Tonight, after several exams and tests, the doctors thought for a moment that I had appendicitis. That was a scary moment for me. I thought I was going into surgery just weeks before Christmas. That would have been quite the damper on my holiday!

It was in those moments of unknowing that Matt showed me how well he knows me. As he's sitting next to my hospital bed, he held my hand and didn't say a thing. With tears rolling down my face, he wiped them away and didn't ask questions. He just let me process and wait. He knows me so well. He has become an amazing best friend. Love you, babe.

That time of year...

2010-12-07T18:12:00.000-05:00

We've started our advent calendar again this year. Just like last year, I'm working in good act and not so much candy. It's about every 3-4 days that they get a piece of candy. We've watch a few Christmas movies and had hot cocoa so far, too. This weekend, they are going shopping for a boy in need from our school. They'll each make a gift choice for him with their own money. The following weekend, we'll be making treats for friends and family and delivering them.

This stocking advent calendar has become one of favorite Christmas traditions; for me and the boys!

"Price is Born"

2010-12-05T23:53:00.000-05:00

Maxwell and Payton have a Christmas performance at church next weekend. They have both been practicing their songs quite a bit, but Maxwell really loves to sing the "Happy Birthday, Jesus" song. (I apologize for the quality. This was recorded on my cell phone.)

Winter Photo Shoot: The Out Takes

2010-12-04T18:08:00.001-05:00

Every year, my wonderful husband submits himself to family photos. I know he doesn't really care for the process, but he knows it's important to me, and our families. We use a friend of mine, Jessica Ericson, who is a great photographer. I love her work.

By now, everyone has seen the "best of" on facebook or in my picasa album. But some of the best photos are the out takes. The unpublishables. Yeah. My kids make great faces.

Updates on our life

2010-12-04T16:44:00.000-05:00

Seriously? It's December already?!?! Holy Smokes! That was fast.

Things are going well around here. Payton & Max are excited about the posibility of snow. They're enjoying the cold weather and all the holiday preparations.

We've adopted a new dog, Ringo. He's a 2 year old male pug who is absolutely perfect. He's calm and gentle and very sweet. He does make a lot of noise because of his "flat face", but we've gotten used to it and barely notice anymore unless he's really loud.

Matt is working a lot and with his military schedule it feels as if we are two ships passing in the night. My parents were here for Thanksgiving and my mom was super enough to stay with the boys while Matt and I went Black Friday shopping from 10pm on Thanksgiving until 6am on Friday. As crazy as it was, we both really enjoyed our time together that night.

I'm loving my job. The love of reading in our upcoming generations is important to me and so I love to share that and encourage the kids to read more. I'm getting a lot of great feedback this year, so that helps too. Volleyball ended back in November, but I am already looking forward to next fall for our next season.

Payton got his report card and, as usual, got amazing scores (they don't do "grades" at his school). He loves his teacher and most of his classmates. We're dealing with a bit of peer pressure this year, which is new to him. But he seems to be doing alright with it. He's becoming an AMAZING big brother. I told him today how much I appreciated that he helps with his brother and how loving her is. He said "Thanks, Mommy. You've never told me that before." OOPS! Guess I need to express that more often.

Max is doing super as well. He is being "home schooled" by his babysitter/my friend, Liz. She has a great love for Max that I cherish and appreciate. He's doing really well with her crew of 4 kiddos and finding his place in the mix. At home, he LOVES to play, build and learn. He has all this letter sounds down and is working now on blending the sounds to make words. He can do a lot of 3 letter words already.

Overall, life in our little bubble is going well. We are looking forward to the holiday season and seeing a lot of family and friends.

Still Keeping Up

2010-11-19T21:04:00.000-05:00

I'm still making it. Still keeping up with life.

This time of year it seems the kids at school start getting restless. Now until Christmas is going to be difficult. Not just for the kids. But for me too! I'd love to be at home baking, decorating, spreading holiday cheer and listening to Christmas music. At least I love my job!

Death...and Life

2010-11-09T21:48:00.000-05:00

Yes, it's been awhile. Again. I have a way of doing that don't I?

Lately, I've been focused on death. A morbid and unhappy thing to be focused on. Yet, appropriate and healthy. My favorite cousin's husband passed away last week. Actually, a week ago today. Wow. Only a week ago life changed for that family.

Roger was an amazing man who at only 31 left a legacy most people can only dream of. He was secure in his faith, his love for God & his family. He was a great father and an amazing husband. Life was too short for Roger. God had a plan. I believe it was so that he could show people what can really be accomplished in just a few short years when we are determined to make a difference.

The days leading up to the funeral, and the time since, have been hard for me. I know God is all knowing, but it's hard to imagine life with three young kids and no husband. That is what Heather, my cousin, has for her life now. She has great support and love. But still, life will be hard.

The situation makes me contimplate two things.
1) What legacy do I leave? What would people say if I passed tomorrow?
2) What can I do to support Heather and the kids from 170 miles away? Cards, yes. Phone calls, of course. And lots of prayer.

Bam

2010-10-20T18:05:00.001-04:00

My grandmother was one of the most influential people in my life. She was amazing, crazy (in a good way), cooky, and just plain "fun". I can't remember a time we were together that we weren't laughing. The times we had together in my 21 years were full of great advice, funny one-liners and antics that only she could get away with.

She passed away back in 2000, but even her death was a funny story. She had been married to my grandfather for many years, had 3 kids together and then got a divorce. She got married again (as did he). When both their spouses had died many years later, my Bam and my grandpa fell back in love and got remarried. An epic love tale if you'd ever heard one. My grandfather proceeded her death by about 4 years. When she passed away in 2000, she was buried in a plot next to her second husband, with my grandfather's ashes next to her in the coffin. Only my Bam. (In the picture, the large gravestone is my Bam and her 2nd husband who purchased the plot together. The back marker is for my grandfather who is buried with my Bam.)

This past weekend, while in Ohio, Matt and I stopped by her grave to pay respects to my Bam and my Papaw. And even with tears in my eyes, I got a chuckle out of her situation...surrounded by men, even in the grave.

Fall Fun

2010-10-20T17:34:00.001-04:00

A few weeks ago, Matt and I decided to take the boys on our annual trip to an apple orchard to pick pumpkins (which the squirrels have since eaten) and apples (which the boys don't like). Despite our lack of successful products brought home, we had a great time! I love fall!

Where have you been!?!?!?!

2010-10-20T17:26:00.000-04:00

Gosh. Life is busy! School, work, volleyball, kids, birthdays, anniversaries, friends, family, fall, holidays...the list just goes on.

Things are going well here. Matt and I just celebrated our 9th year of marriage. It's still a single digit, but it's pretty impressive to me. I'm really happy. He's really happy. Our kids rock and our love grows. What more can a girl ask for?!

We got a new family van (she doesn't have a name yet). On Friday we sent the kids to my inlaws (Thanks, Dot & Gene!!!) and we headed to OH to pick up the van. We spent a night with my aunt & uncle and then turned around to come home. We took a long, leisurely trip home and had a great time just the two of us, enjoying each other's company and...of course, the love we share. (Gosh, I'm such a SAP!)

I did get the chance to take some good photos that can be seen on my photo blog. Check 'em out if you have time.

Otherwise, just hang on for an update again...when I find the time!

Venti Sized Dreams

2010-10-05T22:27:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago, we started a new course at church: You matter more than you think.

At last week's session, I we were challenged to dream "venti sized dreams". Not just little dreams, but big dreams that change things. Not to limit ourselves. I take that challenge. And I hope to run with it.

I know that God will put the seed in my head. The shot of espresso sized dream that will turn into a venti sized dream - if you will. I'm looking forward to the amazing plans God has for me.

Volleyball & Stuff

2010-09-26T19:29:00.001-04:00

So, after only about 5 hours of practices, my varsity volleyball girls took the court for their first game. Thankfully, our JV team went first. It was a great chance for the girls to see a game in action and learn the rules and how things "move" on the court.

We didn't win any of our three matches, but the girls did an AMAZING job with attitude, positivity and effort. I can't wait to see them tomorrow at practice to tell them (again) how unbelievably proud of them I am. It may not be a winning season, but it's going to be a GREAT season. ♥

And...everything else is going well. I'm enjoying my job a lot again this year. Matt and Maxwell are falling into a great routine of "school", chores and errands. Payton is loving Mr. Asper. And we STILL have our foster dog MaxTheDog. Know anyone who wants a MinPin???

School Lunches: Week 3 Review

2010-09-26T19:25:00.000-04:00

We're finally falling into a routine with our lunches. Most days they only take me 5-10 minutes to pack. Having a menu filled out in advance has been really helpful. I filled out three weeks when I started them, just to make sure I wasn't repeating things too often. I check it every weekend to make sure we have the grocery items we need to make everything. After that, it's as simple as referencing the lists to see what I need to pack. I also find that I don't serve "too much" of the same thing when I can see it written out.

I have been using anotherlunch.com for a lot of fun ideas. And bentolunch.com has a lot of useful tips and images that have been helpful too. Payton has enjoyed most of what I have sent, but he's sure to tell me when he doesn't like things too. I've crossed a few items off our "go-to" list and added a few as well. The pizza pockets are still a big hit...I really should make those again this week.

Thank you to everyone who's made supportive comments on Facebook or sent me "fun facts" for P's white board. He's loving them all! And the teachers at Reach are asking him what the "fun fact of the day" was. :)

Time with My Best Friend

2010-09-20T23:05:00.007-04:00

Amazing. That's what summarizes this past weekend.

My wonderful inlaws went out of their way (twice) to assist Matt and I in having a "grown up" weekend. It seems it's been a long time, and it was well overdue.

We didn't run away for a romantic getaway. We didn't go to fancy restaurants and stare deep into each others eyes. We didn't walk hand-in-hand down the beach at sunset. We just spent time together.

Time. It seems that there isn't as much of it as anyone needs. I am involved in so many great things that sometimes I forget my family, especially my husband, deserves the best of me. I don't always give him the time he deserves. Or even the time he needs.

Those of you that are friends with me on Facebook saw my post on Sunday: 2 years ago today Matt & I decided not to walk away from our marriage. We've never been happier than we are today. God did amazing things for us!

Before that time, life had just gotten busy. Busy in our heads. Busy in our hearts. That made things complicated. I realized I didn't want to have to tell my kids I'd walked away without trying everything. God told me, "Give it time.". We did. And I'm so very very very glad we did.

Through everything we've made it through, I still forget that my husband deserves my time. And I deserve his. Not just family time. Not just eating time. Not just TV time. Real time. Focused time.

This weekend we found time. Time together. Time talking. Time cuddling. Just time. Quality, much needed time.

I love you, Husband. More and more each day. Thank you for giving me your time.

School Lunches: Week 2 Review

2010-09-18T22:02:00.000-04:00

We had another successful week of school lunches!

Two more boxes came in and they work much better. I will be sending the one we've been using up to this weekend back to the GoGreenLunchbox company.

The food all went really well too. I did have one little issue though...I made this banana hotdog thing. It was a hotdog bun, spread with peanut butter, jelly and sprinkled with sunflower seeds. Then I laid half a banana on the bun. It would have been PERFECT for an eat at home meal, but traveling in the box to school it didn't fare so well.

Payton has been really happy with his notes too. I've had a few friends who have even sent me a list of new fun facts for the white board. His teacher has started asking him what the fact of the day was and he's sharing it with the class after lunch each day.

If you are on facebook, you can see our lunch pictures each day. Thanks for all the support and encouragement!!

School Lunches: Week 1 Review

2010-09-11T12:18:00.000-04:00

We survived our first week of eating all "cold" lunches. It went rather well and Payton enjoyed them. I had a lot of smiles from him when I asked about lunch and some of the lunch aides said the wanted to know where I got that box he was using. :)

He had pizza pockets twice this week and that was fine with me. I know what's in them! He also had peanut butter rollups. He really liked those. I cut a lot of fruit and veggies into shapes and it's just what he'd normally eat, but it looked like more fun I guess because it was all gone when he came home. He is still really diggin' the ABC Grahams and the chocolate chip granola bites. It's Saturday, but I'm still experimenting with lunch ideas, so today we had peanut butter and jelly burritos. The kids loved them!

I've found the making of the lunch isn't so hard, it's the deciding what to pack that's difficult. I've decided this week I will make a menu for the week. Then when it's time to pack, I don't wonder...and I remember what he's already had!

Overall, the GoGreen Lunchbox is a success. He loves using it, but we have a lot of trouble closing just one of the sides. I have tried it repeatedly at home and it's very difficult even for me. I assume it's a defect of some kind. We have two more trays on order and they should be here mid-week. If those are easier and don't have any issues, I'll be contacting the owner of GoGreen to trade in my not so good one. But even with this one issue, it's still amazing. I love the size. I love how much I can fit in a box and I love that it's easy to clean!

This weekend, we'll be trying two new recipes for our school lunches. We'll be making these healthy and tasty looking Balls of Energy and Peanut Butter-Cinnamon Hummus. Payton has also decided he wants me to make him a "banana hotdog" for lunch. Hopefully he actually eats it instead of just thinking it looks funny.

I'll keep you posted! Thanks for following along on our journey to healthy, happy lunches.

Did ya hear?

2010-09-08T21:33:00.002-04:00

I'm co-coaching middle school girls volleyball starting tomorrow. I'm crazy nervous and excited. And part of me is wondering what in the WORLD was I THINKING???!!! I hope it's as fun in real life as I dreamed it to be. (P.S. I know close to nothing about volleyball.)

Back to School

2010-09-08T21:32:00.000-04:00

After only two days, it seems we are all falling into our school year routines. I'm in charge of laying out clothes for me and the boys and packing lunches and bags. I wake and get out of the house before anyone else is awake. Matt wakes the boys, feeds them, dresses them and gets them to school and our babysitter's house. It all seems to be coming together.

Payton really likes his new teacher, Mr. Asper (Az-purr). He is making friends and really likes his table mates. He was upset today when Mr. Asper announced again that they do not have homework this week. Payton loves homework.

Maxwell is really excited about being homeschooled by our friend Liz. She's full on creative ideas and a great curriculum, so I'm sure he'll do well and learn a lot there. He gets along great with her 4 kids and it should be an easy fit for them all.

It all seems to be going well here. But it is only day two.

A cool end to summer

2010-09-06T22:09:00.000-04:00

This Labor Day Weekend, the official end to summer vacation, was a cool one. I don't believe the temperature ever got out of the 70s even. We had planned to take the boys to Matt's family cottage for a great last dip in the lake and to enjoy the beach. We went, but no one got in the water.

The boys enjoyed playing on the beach in their jeans and sweatshirts while Matt fished shells out of the water. MaxTheDog and I enjoyed just laying on the beach.

Baking Day

2010-09-06T21:55:00.006-04:00

Tomorrow is the end of summer - the first day back to school here in the great state of Michigan. With all my obsessing over school lunches and making them fun, yet healthy, we spent our day baking and prepping for the week.

We made some great dishes including pizza pockets and chocolate chip granola bites. I also made a breakfast dish that was so-so. But the boys had a BLAST making ABC Grahams. The cookie recipe comes from Parents magazine. I've never used any of their recipes before, but these were good, so maybe we'll try some more sometime. The boys worked together to measure and pour and took turns pushing the "on" and "off" buttons on the food processor. The dough was really forgiving in the making process. Making the letters or shapes in the cookies went pretty well too. There were only a few that I had to go over again once they came out of the oven.

Through our multi-recipe baking day I learned two things. 1) I need more storage containers (all the same so there is less lid confusion!) - and 2) my kids are pretty darn good helpers!

School Lunches: Fun and Friendly!

2010-08-29T15:53:00.002-04:00

So, I've talked about some cool options for putting the lunch into and how to keep variety and healthy options in the a fore mentioned cool lunchboxes, now...how to keep it fun. Because let's be honest, no one wants to eat a boring lunch. And the best way to make your kid eat something you're not sure they'll like is to make it interesting and give it kid-appeal.

There are a LOT of great little tools out there at your disposal to make lunches more fun, and Earth friendly too! One of the easiest is to get some cloth napkins. It's an easy and inexpensive way to personalize your child's lunch a bit more. I just ordered a half-dozen outer-space inspired cloth napkins from my friend Rachel at honeychunks.com. She has a lot of great napkin prints, that will HOPEFULLY, inspire your little student to use the napkin instead of their shirt sleeve.

Another really cool item P picked for his lunch box this year are sporks. I ordered them from reuseit.com. He chose the lime green, white and black set. I like that it gives him a spoon and a fork with only one utensil. And they are perfect kid size. They fit really well in his new lunchbox from GoGreen.

Instead of using all those plastic bags that end up in landfills, why not invest in a few cute snack taxis or some sandwich wrappers. There are a lot of great options, in fun fabric prints, that will save you a lot of money in the long run. And no more running out of sandwich baggies at 11pm while making tomorrow's lunch!

But it's not all about the accessories. Sometimes, it's the food itself, right? Consider using standard cookie cutters to sandwiches into fun shapes. Or, if you're a little lazier like me, consider these full sandwich cutters that give you multiple shapes with one cut. I really like the puzzle piece ones, but I know my lil M would enjoy the transportation set. For those of you with little girls, there is this fairy tale set that is super cute too. If you don't like any of those, there are a few more set options as well.

Sometimes, making lunch fun and interesting can be as simple as cutting fruit into fun shapes, something that is really easy to do with the Wilton Fondant Cutters. You can order them online, but I found them the cheapest in the cake supply section of JoAnn fabrics or Michaels. And with the 40% off coupons they put out each week, I was able to get each set for around $1.80! I've used them for cucumber, apple, cantelope, watermelon and cheese so far. I've also seen them used on fruit leather (a fruit roll up type product). The kids love cut the shapes themselves, and they're more interested in eating them when they've done the work. The alphabet set would be SO fun to spell out their name or another fun word. Or here's a world of flowers and butterflies set.

If you're kids are like my friend Kim's, who don't eat traditional lunch food. Use the small cookie cutters to create fun shapes with cooled rice. Or use these unique rice molds to create little characters or fun faces.

Everything tastes better on a toothpick! Make meat & cheese Kabobs. Or fruit kabobs. For holiday seasons, look in the cake supply section of your local craft store for disposable seasonal toothpicks. You can make them extra special by using some of these adorable toothpicks.

50 pcs Mini Food Pick
Cute Animal Pick Set
Music Note Set
Safari Animal Set
More Bento Accessories - dividers, picks, napkins, etc

I found a few other great tips while looking for ideas as well.

Keep a spray bottle of lemon juice & water in the fridge to spray apples to keep them from turning brown.
Shredded carrots can add a nice sweetness and texture to a sandwich or wrap.
Top yogurt with a few mini marshmallows or chocolate chips to make it more dessert like.
Use a silicone cupcake liner to create more compartments within your lunch container. Or use it to hold a dip.
Use Horizon Milk boxes to provide your student with extra calcium. They don't require refrigeration. Find them in the organic section at your local grocery store.
Frozen applesauce can become an applesauce slushie by lunchtime.
Don't forget to write a short note, joke or riddle to add into your child's lunch. Occasionally a sticker is a special treat as well. It reminds them that you're thinking of them.

During my journey through the internet world of bento lunches, I found a TON of inspiring lunches; some elaborate and some simple. Take a look around and see what inspires you!

Yummy Lunch Ideas
Bento Bizarro
Bento Pictures
Easy, Healthy Bento Lunch Box Ideas for Kids
O'Bento Lunch 4 Kidz
What's for Lunch at Our House
Bento Lunch Ideas for Kids
Muffin Tin Mom

School Lunches: Change it up, Keep it healthy

2010-08-25T12:00:00.001-04:00

So the fun part of what to put our lunch in has been settled, but that still leaves me with the same menu as last year in a new box. Eventually, that'll get boring too. I knew I needed to devise some way to make lunch exciting and different. I searched the internet and a few books trying to find new ways to make lunch foods interesting.

I found a list somewhere (sorry, I can't remember where) that had a list of all the different types of bread options, filler options and condiment options to make a different sandwich each day. I created my own list, called it the "Sandwich Construction" Chart and printed it up. I have it on the fridge for easy reference. I plan to use it to make sandwiches when I'm in a rush. Or for those times I feel like I've made PB&J four days that week. My chart is below. For example; I might choose to put peanut butter and apples on a pita pocket. OR maybe pizza sauce, olives and pepperoni on an English muffin. Feel free to copy the chart, paste it to a new document, customize it to be your own and then print it for YOUR fridge!

BREADS

Bagel

Homemade flat bread

Baguette

Bread sticks

Crackers

English muffins

Soft tortillas

Focaccia

Lavash bread

Pita bread

Rice cakes

Rolls

Traditional sandwich bread

SPREADS & CONDIMENTS

Almond butter

Apple butter

Apple Slices

Avocado (mashed)

Banana (mashed)

Brie Cheese

Cashew butter

Cream cheese (1/3 less fat)

Honey

Hummus

Jam (spreadable fruits)

Ketchup

Mayo

Mustard

Peanut butter

Pizza sauce

Pumpkin butter

FILLINGS

Bacon

Carrots (shredded)

Cheese

Chicken (shredded, sliced, leftover)

Chicken salad

Egg salad

Hard boiled egg

Hot dog (all beef, nitrate free)

Lettuce

Cucumbers

Olives

Sprouts

Turkey

Pepperoni

Bacon

Another thing I struggled with last year was not repeating the same 4-5 fruits and vegetables. So I added that to my list as well. I'm, again, hopeful that we can avoid eating the same foods over and over.

Fruits

Apples

Pears

Bananas

Blueberries

Cranberries

Grapes

Mango

Raisinis

Melon

Oranges

Plums

Raspberries

Strawberries

Clementine

Vegetables

Pepper strips

Broccoli

Carrots

Cauliflower

Celery

Cucumbers

Green beans

Salad/lettuce

Snap peas

Sweet potatoes

Zucchini

And who are we kidding if we think we're going to do a healthy lunch every day? I always put a special treat into my kids' lunch. Sometimes it's a Hershey Miniature. Sometimes it's something less "junk" like but it still seems like a great treat. So I added to my list "smarter treats" and "other stuff" that didn't seem to fit into any category.

Smarter Treats

Applesauce

Nuts

Raisins

Chips with salsa

Rice pudding

Fruit bars

Granola or Granola Bars
Homemade Muffins

Homemade cookies - add flax seed or ground wheat germ give them an added boost

Homemade oatmeal bars

Popcorn

Pretzels

Trail mix

Yogurt - can top with mini marshmallows, sprinkles or chocolate chips for extra special treat

Babybel Cheese (fun to eat!)
Crunchy Bagel Chips

Other

Rice

Pasta

Oatmeal in a thermos

Roast chickpeas

Goldfish type crackers

Homemade pizza

Meat roll up with laughing cow spread & avocado

Mini bagel with neufchatel cheese (1/3 less fat cream cheese)

Mini muffin tin quiches

Hard boiled egg

Pita & hummus

Stuff pita with hummus and shredded carrots

I'm certain that I won't be able to make every lunch as healthy and wonderful as I'd like to. I'm bound to have a crazy night or morning where I can't get it done and he'll get a leftover slice of pizza. But with my lists on the fridge, I can have options already draw up. Ideas already in the flowing mode...I just have to bring them together.

You can get my entire document in it's complete and slightly disorganized form HERE.

Need more inspiration? Check out all these great links! You're bound to find SOMETHING that inspires you when you're stumped.

Yummy Lunch Ideas
Nutritious Lunch Ideas (Laptop Style Lunchboxes)
Two Weeks of Menu Ideas (MSNBC.com)
The Family Dish (mostly dinner ideas, but some could carry over to lunches)
Back-to-School Cooking (epicurious.com)
Laptop Lunches (Laptop Style Lunchboxes, but still great ideas)
What's for lunch at our house (a mom's blog of bento style lunches)
How to Pack a Kids' Lunch Without a Sandwich (eHow.com)
iLunchbox.com (more grown-up lunches)
Super Healthy Kids (another great blog! GREAT ideas & information!)
Weelicious (We are SO trying her Eggplant Parmesan Sticks! They looks like French Toast Sticks!)
Cooking with My Kid (These ideas are realistic and fun)

On Friday, I'll be posting about the little things that us "lunch makers" can do to make lunchtime a bright spot in our little sunshines' day, as well as a few other random tips to make your student's lunch safe.

School Lunches: What to pack 'em in!

2010-08-23T12:18:00.000-04:00

I honestly don't remember my lunch bag as a kid. I know I purchased lunch on pizza day, but my mom packed my lunch most of the time. My lunch bag, I'm sure, was a basic lunch bag. Because if it was something really cool, I would remember that.

My son is entering the second grade. Cool is of the utmost importance right now. Can't be too babyish. Yet, he's not into superheroes or cartoon characters. Last year he had a lunch bag that lasted him 5 months. That's ridiculous, in my mom-pinion. If it's created for a student, it should be practically indestructible! What's the point if it's not?! This year we have a lunch mission: Healthy, Earth Friendly and Fun!

Our lunchbox needed a few specific characteristics:
1) It needed to have compartments. (We're a "food shouldn't touch" family.)
2) It needed to be an appropriate size. He doesn't have a lot of room to store things at school.
3) It must be easy to open. A lot of little lids and containers was one of our problems last year.
4) It should be able to stay cold when it needs to be. My lil' guy's lunch will sit in his cubby for approximately 4 hours before being consumed.
5) It needed to be affordable and durable.

In my many weeks of research for the ultimate lunchbox, I came across many, many options. A lot of this research was done in tandem with my friend, Jennifer over at Whatever. These were some of our family's top qualifiers:

Bento Box & Laptop Lunchbox

These little compartmented boxes are very popular in Japan, where Bento means "a picnic type lunch". They come in LOTS of styles and designs. They are super cute and there are tons of websites devoted to people who make adorable little lunches in the boxes. The kid version of the Bento Box is the Laptop Lunchbox. Bento boxes do not come in a cooler bag, you have to buy all that separately, but you can buy a Laptop Lunchbox as a full kit for around $40. It includes the case, the box, the "buddies" you put food in, a set of silverware, a water bottle and a book to help you with ideas for packing lunches. These look like a great option for many families! They are reported to be incredibly durable and safe, also a bonus. The main reason we did not choose the Laptop Lunchbox was a few reports I received of it being difficult to open smoothly. I admit I have not personally tried, nor has my 2nd grader tried to open one, however. I also was concerned that the containers would leak into each other if I put applesauce or something into one of the compartments. It's something still in our thoughts and may become our 'second' lunch box after school starts.

Goodbyn

This was P's top choice for his lunchbox. This box comes in two styles (with and without ears), in 8 colors. He really liked the slate blue 'too cool for ears' lunchbox. I really liked the size of the compartments and the water bottle being part of the box. It's all in one piece and easy to handle. It looks easy to open and like the foods would remain in their intended containers. We opted not to go for this box because of the lack of a way to keep cool foods cool. It didn't fit into any of our current lunch bags and it was a bit tall for the ones I could find online. I do, however, think it's adorable and I am considering getting one for Maxwell. If only he needed to take lunch somewhere... ($25)

PlanetBox

This is a great plastic free option! It's a stainless steel tray system with a hinged, fitted lid. The system comes with a bag, the main tray and two smaller containers with lids for things like applesauce or yogurt. I'll be honest, right off the bat I knew we wouldn't get it. $60 for the system was just too much for me. But the compartments are awesome. The bags are adorable and the magnet sets really are great for personalization. I would be concerned about getting those magnets home though. It seems as though my son would take them off during lunch and they'd never come back.

GoGreen Lunchbox

This is our winner; the one P can (hopefully) make last a full year. This system seemed to have it all. It's compartmented with tight seals, it's an appropriate size, it has a cooler bag and it's only $30. I like that I can buy an additional tray to fit the bag for only $13. That's affordable. I also thought if we needed more food room, we could just take the water bottle out of it's designated area. I was concerned about the locking system that keeps the tray sealed. Jennifer, my lunch box search partner, who has already received her system she said her little "A" who's going into 2nd grade handled the system fine after a few practices. I also talked to Kim, the designer of the GoGreen system, and she said if my P couldn't handle it I could send it back for a refund. That's someone who stands by their work!! And as a bonus, I'm supporting a mom, not some major company.

So we have finally made our choice. I'm happy with it. Finding a system that allowed for more eating time and less "opening" time was crucial. Additionally, I found one within our budget, that keeps the food cool and is cool enough for my 2nd grader. I'll give an additional review after a few weeks of use and let you know how it's working out for us.

Wednesday, I'll be posting some great resources and sites to use for making healthy and fun lunches for the kids. Make sure you sign up on the side of the blog to become a "follower" so you don't miss anything!

School Lunches: Break from the Boredom

2010-08-20T20:48:00.000-04:00

Last year, working full time and having a house and kids to care for, I got lazy with packing my son's lunches. I even let him buy hot lunch a few times a week, knowing full well it wasn't a healthy choice. But I just didn't feel like standing at the fridge that night saying "What now?!"

I want this year to be different. I want it to be interesting. Changing. Even -gasp- exciting!? I know. I can hear you already. "Really? It's just lunch!" I know. I know. But I know my kid. And I know he likes change, variety and a break from the boredom that can become the standard "cold lunch".

So I'm launching a multi-post blog topic. Beginning Monday, I'll be discussing lunch box options, healthy choices and ways to make cold lunch cool again. Trust me. You're gonna want to bookmark these posts. Because if you're anything like me, it'll all last about 6 weeks and you'll be bored and frustrated standing at the fridge saying "What now?!" all over again.

Stay tuned for some awesome ideas, thoughts and discussions!

Overcommitted - again

2010-08-19T18:53:00.000-04:00

I have a lovely way of doing this to myself. It happens several times a year. I really need to learn to do something about it. The problem is, I don't realize I'm overcommitted - thus overwhelmed - until it's too late.

My current fall line up:
work full time at Reach
foster a dog (comes and gos thankfully!) & photography for the shelter group
co-coach middle school volleyball (Mon, Tues & Thurs)
take a college class (hopefully!)

assist with a bible study at church (Wed)
continue my training for a 5K and complete 5K before Nov 1st
take care of my family & my home

WHEW! It's gonna be a hectic fall!

He's a Big Boy Now!

2010-08-15T19:43:00.000-04:00

While Maxwell was staying with my inlaws the past few days, Matt and I rearranged his room and brought in a few new things.

First, we realized the problem with stuffed animals was as bad in his room as it had been in Payton's around this age. Luckily, we discovered the solution to that one years ago. We mounded a 48 pocket shoe organizer to the back of his door. It's perfect for all the animals; big and small.

We rearranged his closet, making his toys less stacked in towers and easier for him to sort through. That left us with the issue of his dress up clothes. We already had circles painted on his walls, so I found some 3M removeable wall hooks in colors to compliment the room and hung those. His dress up costumes fit there pretty well!

The last issue was his bed. He's been in his crib for 3.5 years now. We removed the side about a year ago and he's done well, so we swallowed hard and purchased an IKEA kid's loft style bed with a bed tent from a friend of ours. Another great friend had a free twin mattress for us, so that was great too!

It all came together perfectly, really. We sent Maxwell a video while he was away and I heard he watched it quite a bit. He called me to tell me it was "really cool" and "awesome!". Tonight when he came home, he still felt just as strongly about it. We played in his room for about 2 hours this afternoon, just rediscovering toys that had been lost in piles or new toys that had been Payton's that we brought in.

As I put him to bed tonight, he was very excited. So excited he may not sleep. But I'm just happy he loves his new room.

The time has come...

2010-08-09T15:30:00.000-04:00

I have begun thinking about back to school already. I'm not happy about it, but it must be done.

I have the clothing bought, I have the supplies purchased and I've started schedule and meal planning. I have to set up my room at school yet. And I am looking forward to seeing my "work friends" and the students again.

But I'm still not ready. I'm really enjoying my summer and I don't want it to end. sigh