...thoughts at midnight...

It's 12:26am on Saturday. I'm to be at my best friend's home in about 9 hours to embark on our first ever overnight trip together with our kiddos. We're going tent camping. (no really, we are.) I know we're really looking forward to it, but a bit of me is hesitant as well. I know we'll have a great time...I just hope the kids actually go to sleep at some point.

Beyond that tiny bit of stress, I just can't sleep. I actually haven't even brushed my teeth or taken my contacts out because I know that when I do go lay down in bed, it will be an hour of tossing and turning trying to fall asleep. It's so hard when Matt isn't home. And the house is extra quiet without Payton. He snores and his music or CD story books are usually playing when I'm trying to sleep. I guess I've gotten so used to all the noise around me that now I can't sleep without it. And once I do finally fall asleep, my dreams will just be filled with things I don't want to be thinking about.

I know Matt's not having fun where he's at either. Usually he gets to go to Germany or Hawaii or something and he's having a great time. Of course, I'm always jealous at home that I haven't been able to do some of these fun things, but I know he's having fun. This time though, he's in Indiana doing some lame exercises with Army guys. The barracks are like dorm rooms and he says the bathrooms are disgusting. This from the man who can step over dirt for weeks. They must be really bad!

And...to top it all off, I know my job is looming. I start on the 17th. That seems so close all the sudden. I haven't really done my part to help Max get used to his child care provider, so I feel really bad about that. And I want it all to go well, but I feel bad that Payton had me home until he started school full time and Max won't. Who will take him on his field trips in preschool? What about trips to the farm? And cider mills? What about zoo trips in the middle of the day when no one else is there? I feel so bad that he won't get all the attention that Payton did. I worry it will set him back somehow in school or socially...

Oh yeah. And I turn 30 on Friday!!!!!!! (please note how this is the first year I'm not celebrating all month long. let's just get this over with.)

All these crazy thoughts are running through my head. The only one I'm not worried about is Payton. Thankfully he's behaving and having a great time at my parents, thanks in big part to their neighbor/my brother's girlfriend, Hope. She's a teacher and loves to read, so Payton thinks of her as his personal friend, entertainer and teacher. He can't get enough of her.

Ah well. I know I can't solve any of these things. I should just go to bed. I'll be laying in there for awhile...maybe I can find the solution to World Peace while I'm at it.