Tuesday, June 9

tomorrow it happens...

My lil' big man graduates from kindergarten. The ceremonies begin promptly at 9am with admission by ticket only. Sounds like a big to-do, huh? The kids get their own real cap and tassel and they'll be presented with an award and diploma. They'll sing songs, say poems, do a dance. I'm sure it will be adorable.

But I'm not ready. Nope. Emotionally, I'm not ready. We are keeping his teacher for another year (she's looping to first grade with the entire class), so that's not the reason I'm emotional. I know he'll do great in first grade and he's beyond ready. I guess I'm just not ready to say I'm the mother of a first grader. Oh. Just typing that makes my heart palpitate.

First Grader. It sounds so grown up. They aren't little kids anymore in first grade. They're real elementary school students. Really, it's no time difference, the work load only increases marginally. I guess he might have a few projects... No. That's not what's making me emotional.

I think it makes me feel old. And that maybe I am losing a tiny little piece of him. Just the size of his pinkie nail (which is small since he started biting his nails 6 months ago). I'm holding onto that little boy who needs me. Who wants me to kiss his boo-boos and needs a hug from me to make it better. I'm holding onto the little boy who still calls me "mommy" not "mom", unlike his 2 year old brother.

I see the first grader boys at school and they're not quite so little anymore. They don't need "Mom" to walk them to the classroom. They don't want you to hold their hand in the parking lot. Kisses good bye are quick and sometimes "forgotten".

Yep. That's it. Right there. I'm not willing to give up any little part of my kindergartner and have him turned into a first grader.

I'm so not ready for this...


Momma and her boy, May 2005

8 comments:

Heather_2 said...

Hang in there Ellisa. Big kids still need their mommy. My big kid is 9 and still needs kisses on her boo boos, but won't let me walk her to her classroom past day 2 of school.

Marissa said...

35 years later and I still went crying to my mama just today.

lets together be thankful that as moms we only 'lose' them a pinky nail at a time...

(i say this as i well up with choked back tears that i not only have a kindergarten graduate this year but another baby is heading off to high school - now when the F did *that* happen?!?!?)

love you. <3

Danielle a.k.a Yellie said...

I promise you, it will be ok. It might not seem like it now, but trust me, it will. Yes, things will change, but he will still need you more than you might imagine. My babies are growing up too (Gavin is going into 5th grade, Riley into 2nd and Asher into Young 4's). Just today though, Gavin surely needed me and was more than happy to have hugs and cuddles and words of encouragement from his "mommy". Shed any tears you feel the need to, you have the right, and then just hug that little boy and know that everything you've done thus far and everything you will do in the future will ensure that he never forgets just how much his mommy loves him and how much he'll always need you. ((HUGS))

Jen said...

((((HUGS)))) I know exactly what you mean. We will get through this together and move on to the next stage together too.

Thanks for the pic of Graduation, he looked so cute!!

Anonymous said...

Hey Ellisa: Yes it's hard! And as a Mom it always will be. It's still hard for me when the boys have to leave after visiting and they are all grown. It's just a part of being a Mom (sigh)!!! Love Mom K

Anonymous said...

Ellisa: PS: I don't remember this pic of you and P but I LOVE IT!!!! It brings me to tears. Love Mom K

Emma said...

You made me cry! Here I have my little 19 month old upstairs in bed, and I'm thinking about his Kindergarten Graduation. I know it will be here before I know it...but I honestly pray that the Lord will let me soak up as much of every second as I can with him while he's still here at home with me. Let's not even talk about moving out!

Ellisa said...

Emma, sorry to make you cry, darling. Remember those moments of littleness. They're priceless. Peek in on him as he sleeps and hug him extra tight for one extra second. Even at 6 yrs old those moments seem to be disappearing too fast.