In "It"

And I'm trying to find my out. I'm not finding it.

I feel like I'm in a 'scream and cry' state and I want to leave. I would like to have a long, hard cry, but I can't seem to find the release button. I constantly feel like it's just on the edge, but it won't come.

Some of the things I used to do, I've put off. Not because I don't want to do them, but because they seem 'too big'. I'm still getting my things done, but I'm not doing them as quickly or effectively as I used to. Payton's birthday party is next weekend and I have no plans made. Nothing. It's exhausting for me to think about it. A friend invited me out on Friday night. I would have loved to have gone and I needed the break, but I couldn't find the momentum or energy to get off my butt and go.

This isn't right, but I don't know what to do. I don't know. I just don't know...