Saturday, March 8

Can't get enough...

I've been thinking a lot about addictions this weekend. Friday night I was with a few friends and we were talking about smoking. That one topic alone has stuck in my head all weekend. I realize that I've had a lot of addictions in my life. Some healthy, some not so healthy. But each of them has had the same effect on me.

Addiction: to devote or surrender (oneself) to something habitually or obsessively

I've been addicted to substances and emotions. I've been addicted to actions and things. I've even been addicted to a person and a relationship. The feeling that no matter how much time I get with that person, or how much of an item or feeling I get, it's just not enough.

Currently, I have several addictions. Some may just call them "obsessions" and , luckily, most of them are not harmful. They are things like healthy living and shoes for my boys. I'm fortunate that I've been able to kick almost all my addictions without help of any kind. And I'm grateful for that, and feel truly blessed.

But some addictions have stuck with me for a lifetime. No matter what I do or what I try to stop doing, my brain and heart goes back to that "thing". I can't shake it. I can't let it go. I can't give it up. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

A feeling of aversion or attachment toward something is your clue that there's work to be done. -Ram Dass

I wonder if the work will ever be done.


Gene said...

Hi Ellisa: Work on ourselves is a life long venture. And addictions (no matter how large or small) is something we all deal with. Whats good is if we have the strength to deal and work on them. Love Mom K

Kim Cervone said...

I think wanting more is human nature. Redirecting what the more is, that is lifelong work. I might be making more sense in my head than on the keyboard butI think you get the drift. I'm proud of you for all that you have left in your past ...and for whatever else I know you can overcome.xoxoxo