Monday, December 13

amazing what tears can do

This morning, I was expecting to wake to a list of tests that needed run and doctors who would be trying to assist me in figuring all this pain out.  Instead I sat and was told that no one knew the plan.  I asked my awesome nurse, Jessica, a few times and she didn't hear anything to pass on.

By 1pm, I was done.  I needed answers.  My pain wasn't getting better and no one was trying to help.  I was frustrated.  With my pain soaring, I started crying.  Silently crying in my bed with sheets over my head.  I felt like I was 15 years old.

About 10 minutes into my crying jag, the tech assigned to me came in.  She asked why I was crying and I couldn't even tell her.  Then my nurse came in.  Then my roommate got involved.  Peer pressure got the best of me and when I calmed myself down enough to use my "big girls words", I told them I was frustrated and I felt like no one cared about what was happening and how to make it stop. 

After being reassured and given some strong drugs for the pain, the surgeon I'd been waiting ALL DAY for showed up.   Jessica the nurse had taken change and hunted him down.  THANKS JESSICA!!  When he saw me in tears, upset by the pain and uncertainty of the situation, I could tell he felt bad for leaving me without a plan for so long.  (Matt was able to stop in at this time and my mom showed up too.)

He asked me questions for about 15 minutes and then laid out his plan: consults with a few specialists, run a few more tests and figure this out.  So tomorrow, it all begins.  Hopefully I'll have answers and a plan by tomorrow evening or Wednesday morning.

Those of you who know me, know that I don't tend to blow up.  Things build and build in my brain and in my spirit before I let things out.  I don't like to ask for help either.  So this situation has been really hard for me.  But the tears, in this case, got things moving towards an answer.  I still don't know what is going to happen or what's going on in my body, but at least people are working together to get to an answer.

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